Grabbing a bull by its horns with a leaking black pen

There are some days where I feel as if I am planning for something more than I am actually doing things. Then there are other days where I am living minute by minute thinking to myself, 'What plan?'

I don't really know what exactly it is, or why I do this but somewhere every couple of weeks, months or yearly I stalk out a park or coffee shop, sit with an ulcer induced cup of potent coffee and start evaluating. Call it boredom, self critiquing, whatever it is, its a distraction.

A pro and con list for major aspects gets written up and from there (and a pot of coffee) a game plan is devised.

The yearlies have always resulted in relocations, which thankfully that itch is nowhere near a place to be scratched. All others fall in the likes of anything else in the means of self improvement and releasing any ties of holding negative thoughts and wishes, I chose to spend a day doing just this.

After several hours in, and mindless writing I stared blankly at the lists and noticed much repetition. There was a common theme, and after snapping out of a caffeine induced coma I breathed in a deep sigh and dug out a fresh piece of paper only to go nowhere.

The theme is bold, and so very typical.

Things are not as they seem, well how can I turn them around so all objectives are beneficial. How can these things be all that they seem and more.

How can I get them done. Its time to get 'er done.

Its finally beginning to feel like Spring in the area so every night after work I'm walking along the river and maybe venturing out to the prairies to jog (run Morgan run...on flat surfaces). Let's get physical...again!

Work is not what it was cracked out to be and settling just isn't going to fly. I want the city so that's what I'm going to get. Let the job search commence yet again.

Self publication is the means for now, and with that means getting passed the worry and actually publish out independently. A personal deadline was created and its really going to happen. Its time to invest in photoshop for graphic design help-shit.

Fitness, cooking, art etc classes are going to be this girls best friend for the next several months until I figure financing a Masters Program. I like the friends I've made thus far but know more are always welcome. And why not learn something along the way.

I want to be courted for a change and with that means I've got to step up and step out more than I already do. The online jag failed epicly by distractions. Emotionally I was miserable and needed to clear the air. That and I was all too focused about turning thirty and being SCH: single, childless and a non-homeowner. All that still looms but is not as strong, I'm going about each day being my normal carefree self and am living without forcing.

I'm tired of waiting and am taking matters into my own hands as it always should have been, always has been but slipped slightly. There's no real plan at all, looking back at previous 'plans' they've all come through almost brilliantly but were too precise. Too methodical, for this its just about keeping busy, keeping away from nagging thoughts and just breathing.