Monday, September 19, 2011

How I met your husband….

I am in a dating detox. For another forty five days I am getting back to the basics by listening and taking action in contrast to my heart. From one Romeo to the next, it has been a tumultuous ride over the course of almost ten months. And in that amount of time—it has become a period to shun your eyes, drink a bottle of wine and take a long hot bath. Or laugh and thank god you are living a life different from this.

I met a man, this man was outrageously funny and enthusiastic. He was cute, but also only available at certain times that always seemed to be the same. Strike the Red Flag immediately. It turned out, and I found out almost two months in of talking and going out, that he was married. We were ‘flinging.’

As in fully married, probably father of year and oh so very attached.

How does this happen?

One would think this was the Maury Povich year up in my neck of the woods, but honest to god I did not expect him to be, let alone think I could ever partake in such a predicament.

Well I did, and it happened. It was an affair and so because of that, I am in a dating detox.

At first I was only going to take thirty days to clear my mind, body and soul but realized that this one—like a shot of Jack Daniels, burned all of the way down. I still hurt from the betrayal of someone I was beginning to like, and so for that I decided on taking a full sixty days to recoup. To relax and get my groove back.

Of course, this is when I start to pay extra close attention to what has been lacking over the past few months. From workouts to dressing up I have been taking it way too easy lately, because I was excited that for a change someone was thinking about me. Calling to check in and see how my day was, coming over. I felt attached, how silly and obtuse as that notion may be now, considering the fact that the guy was already attached--but that is all changing. I’ve been re-reading books to gain lost confidence, meditating in order to clear the clutter in my mind and working out to sweat off the softer parts of my body that could be trimmed down.

What is it about the dating process that is so difficult to some, and so easy for others. I have covered this topic one too many times over, but it seems to be reoccurring which makes me believe the problem lies within me. Am I trying too hard in capturing this one guy out there? Have I romanticized too much, or is it really possible?

It’s possible, so I’m taking the time to kick back and find the beauty deep down my single woman’s body. I was talking to multiple friends over the past several days who all keep quiet but say the words that they think I want to hear. Words that I don’t want to hear because it’s repetitive and I’m simply tired of hearing them one day after the next.

For the next forty five days, it’s my turn to be a selfish bitch. To shop when I want to shop. Read Cosmo or Jane Austen, whatever my brain is craving.To detox my body and kick the angst out through kickboxing and circuit training. To drink all the coffee I want and slink away into the city for as many hours of my liking for whatever reason. To plan unnecessary trips just to get away, because I can.

In the first set of the detox, I cleaned up my telephone, email and threw out little notes that had been left behind. I re-started saying three things I am most thankful for at the end of each day, and also envisioned ways of changing a day around in my mind had anything gone differently as expected. A workout regime was re-activated and a health plan was put back into place. The next stage is inner and outer beauty-for this I’m working on the entire forty five days on. From my approach to people and personal demeanor to changing up a wardrobe and sprucing up to accent not only my body but my personality. Enter new dresses and platform heels, flip flops to the back.

The detox is about reclaiming what we lose, when we are in that search for the Prince Charming (s) of the world. That endless and silly search. But no more, this time I am serious about it taking the time and letting go. I’m not saying the search is over for a lifetime but for now, it’s not about a search but about connecting with myself on a higher level and letting all of the other business move to the side.


  1. "How does this happen?" trusted someone. Too many men, like many women, enjoy walking on the wild side; they're like pet dogs who run deer and then return home to sit by their owner's side. It's not you, not at all.

    My advice (you're going to love this)..look for a local sportsman's shop and see if they know of NRA courses for women like "Refuse To Become A Victim" or, see about applying for a pistol permit and then take an NRA Pistol Safety Course which is required in most states.
    You don't necessarily have to go out and purchase a firearm but the knowledge you gain, along with the permit, makes for interesting conversation on a future date night. Let the next guy know right off that you're no pushover.

    And, you might find some very nice single men at local shooting ranges.

    I speak with authority since I'm a Certified Instructor and a Range Safety Officer. :))))

  2. Patty-your words warm a girls heart! I LOVED that! Just the fact that I could technically be saying to the latest and potentially greatest..I am packing heat...are you? Ugh, too funny. The pro's to finding a man at a local shooting range-he'll be a target type of guy with good range. None of this foreplay crap, it's all about quick gratification. Bang, bang.
    Oh the innuendos, but so true. I so needed that laugh, thanks lady ;)