Sunday, September 11, 2011

One down, how many more to go

One year ago today, everything changed. From the land I had grown to know to the people I had grown up with.

One year ago, I made the journey of a lifetime and since that day everything has changed--ten fold.

It almost seems fitting that this time last year I was in Seattle for a very near and dear friend’s wedding. I had just sent all of my belongings off with a mover in San Francisco that could not speak a word of English and flown up to Seattle for a whirlwind weekend. Only to fly back on the only delayed flight and race like made to pack up my car and start the journey east.

Yes, it does seem fitting that this past week I had traveled back to Seattle to see that same friend who had gotten married, now fully pregnant and ready to give birth any day. It did seem fitting to tie up hardened ends with my family and try to put shattered pieces and bruised emotions back together.

This year has been the most challenging I have ever experienced. From moving so far out of my comfort zone, into an area where nobody is around where you can crash on a couch and cry your eyes out over the fact that the job market was still falling. Over the fact that you can’t figure out where a relationship went wrong, or just to pass out from debauchery activities.

While sitting on a creaky wooden bench out along the chilly Canadian waters of the Pacific, I sipped wine and finally took it all in. How these spontaneous moments hit us, still shocks me, but for this understanding it hit as the sun set and the pier lights went on.

This year has been a mean, gnarly, nasty bitch but I wouldn’t have had it either way. When I walked along the sidewalk leading up to Pike Place to get flowers-to then sitting and looking out at the mountains, I realized that life and each day happens regardless of our breakdowns.

Regardless of whether we go out on a Friday night.

Regardless of the fact that you hit the gym and are looking svelte or not.

Regardless of whether you decide to get out of bed to experience the day or not. It is up to you.

The year has taught me in more ways than one, that despite anything you can conquer any given situation. The choice is really yours, and that choice takes action.

This year, I have moved to an area where I knew nobody and now a year later it’s safe to say that I have a family close by. I have been taken in, invited into a whole new area of experiences that had I stayed in bed—would never have gone through with.

Like go to New York on a whim for a weekend. Walk a runway and let a friend dye my platinum blonde locks deep brown, decide to publish a ‘naughty’ story—and turn that idea into a full on career, watch friends grow in ‘reality’ fashion and get a full design perspective of material artwork, make friends that are strictly positive and give back just as much as they take.

I may have hit rock bottom, and it’s been a bitch to claw my way back up, but that’s the main point. Moving up, moving forward. Every day has brought some kind of crazy revelation, that more and more people keep laughing at me because I’m starting to sound like a broken record…but still—they know. I know.

Over the week, a friend had asked. ‘I wonder what it would be like if you stayed in San Francisco?’ I can’t answer that question, because I’ve come so far into just the right element that it would be hindering the step forward.

I don’t know where I would be, but I can guarantee that I sure as hell wouldn’t be living in a foggy apartment, listening to the constant screams of my neighbors above, let alone the planes that flew to SFO every five minutes from the North.

I do also know, that I wouldn’t be me. Right now, today. While waiting to meeting up with this good friend, I was in a bookstore and for some reason I was directed to this one book. It was strange, but I didn’t fight the guide. I walked over and in an hour I finished this book, I related to every part of it. Every thought, every action, every shift in emotion moves us. Of course it was a self improvement book, because lord knows when you’re flying back to see your new nephew and meet up with a pregnant friend….you’re going to get broody and wonder. What the hell happened with me?

The book resonated in every word, life happened with me. A different type of life that may not work for the person next to me, for the person standing across the hallway, but it has come together for me. Sure there are hard times, but those hard times have crafted a better understanding, created another opening and opportunity for something different.

This is a good place to be. This is where I am successful right now, in happiness, in relationships, in life. It’s just right-who knew all that would happen in a year.


  1. You must get a copy of a favorite book of mine..I think you would enjoy it, of course, if you haven't already read it.

    "Women Who Run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Deep and spiritual, stories about the wild-woman archetype. I first read it, still do, when I question aspects of my own life.

    I'm happy that your journey has taken you to a good place and wish you many more of the same!

  2. Love this, and love you and your optimistic but realistic out look in life. What a change your world has made, and I have a feeling that you are better for it. So glad that life happened to you, because you deserve it all. Well, at least all the good parts.
    And can I please use "This year has been a mean, gnarly, nasty bitch but I wouldn’t have had it either way." everyday?! How great is that?! :)

  3. Patty~Thank you for the book recommendation, I'm checking it out on B&N right now and am excited to start reading this. It's been a long road, but I love (obviously!) deep rooted stories. I hope you are well!

    Texa~It was almost nostalgic on the plane coming back, but this is a good time for all that is going on. Gotta love the crazy. Go and use that bad boy...I talk like a teenager sometimes ;)

    Happy Monday...and a gorgeous week.