Monday, January 31, 2011

Stay Close to Your Phone and Closer to Your Email

There are certain events that you come across; some are ordinary while others are extraordinary. This one takes the cake of unexpected events as to when a slight twist of fate enters your regular day to day routines. It is also another reason of reassuring appreciation within of how crazy and eclectic life can be at times.

Months ago while still living atop a foggy cliff side in San Francisco, I had finished a manuscript. Had it edited by a bunch of interns/students you name it, went through revisions. Re-edited. Re-revised. If you have ever completed a project of this nature you know the process is brutal and still amazingly gratifying.

Before the summer hit I started sending out queries to agencies all over the US and UK in all hopes that someone would be interested in picking the piece up and be willing to represent it. I got lucky with a couple of bites at first but they weren’t very solid offers. It has been months and with all of the moving and shaking that has taken place I completely forgot that the manuscript was completed let alone queried. It has been under lockdown collecting electronic dust.

The other day I was contacted by an agency based out of New York that informed me that they received my query and supporting pages. It’s currently being passed around and going to be taken under consideration. Could this really happen? After all of that [forgotten] time, can it be?

I want to put all of my hopes into saying yes but know from previous experiences that it is a dog eat dog world in the publishing industry and am staying calm until I get the final word..and a binding document. Which could take more months depending on how long the pitch is deliberated for.

The conversation made me think about how easily I put that manuscript on the backburner and forgot about it. How quickly I brushed it aside to do something different like move and start exploring a new city. So I spent an entire day wandering around, cleaning and deciding on what the next step was.

Regardless of the decision, I am moving forward with this project but keeping it to myself (and obviously here) for the time being to figure things out and keep track of certain ideas. It makes absolutely no sense to have it completed and not out of my computer. If the agency accepts the pitch then I will obviously move forward with their options but if they don’t I have started to look into other avenues of independent publishing.

To go about this is terrifying and exhilarating as I have never been down this road before but why not give it an attempt to see where it can go. There is nothing to lose. While it will mean more to me than anyone else who reads it, to have the opportunity for an outside reader to understand the emotions and feelings portrayed and how it could help or inspire them. How can I say no?

It’s simple. There is no NO for this answer. There is only try.

And so this is my mission for the coming weeks that is being thrown into the mix of missions already in place. To find a way to publish this manuscript as a possible alternative, to see if I can do this because I know deep down it can be done.

Talk about living in the moment!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Challenge: Week 5



It is with sad news to report that this week I’d like to erase from the boards (but won’t) and will have a much better update next week.

After everything that has been pushed through and said previously about getting my bum into the gym regardless of my environment, this week was definitely not the best for being motivated whatsoever. It killed, literally.

Lots of things happening all at once: PMS, interviews, volunteering time at my friend’s shop, volunteering more time outside of the shop,men, a possible book deal (post to come). In layman’s terms A LOT, so to say I was a little distracted is the understatement of the week.

My A game was off and I’m not apologizing for it because my body is already telling me that it is highly disappointed in the behavior.

I’m sorry, I really and truly am! Please stop being bloated! Thanks M.


Workouts were lessened to 2 days this week and were mostly cardio. Structured meals went out the window as I was trekking back and forth from the city to the suburbs and the water intake went massively down as well.

To say it was trouble in paradise holds true but I am bound and determined to get back on track beginning tomorrow morning.

No favorite exercises as the gym and I sort of had an altercation due to the aforementioned reasons above. Le Sigh.

Lesson Learned This Week

Stay at a steady pace, don’t over exert yourself. You are not superwoman, even she has days without makeup, her shiny suit and cape and has to deal with day to day struggles (or superman if you’re a man). Take it easy and get back on the train.

Friday, January 28, 2011

10 Things That Make You Laugh



The sun is shining brilliantly and what a better way to start the day than with a cup of coffee and a few things that make us laugh. Here's 10 things that are bringing giggles out today.


1.) The Tazmanian Cutie (my nephew) who uses his toy drill on the computer when we skype. The poor thing is going to break tonight I can feel it!

2.) The Man at the Gym who wears a Rocky Bandana and changes machines every 5 minutes, I think he’s trying to find his very own Denise Austin

3.) Dogs wrapping themselves with their leashes around their owners on the streets
or at parks

4.) People singing in the car without any passengers
(American Idol Look out!)

5.)People who have to dress in costume promoting their business.
I.E. Chicken in a Basket. Tasty

6.) Whenever News Reporters miss a line and get awkward on camera, instant laughing success

7.) Japanese contest TV shows

8.) David Hasselhoff Hands Free Soap Dispensers-they are out there

9.) Gossip leading to catfights on reality TV

10.) Tripping and falling, but it’s the look we all get when you are on the ground and slowly start to get back up. Priceless


And you? Have a fantastic weekend!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Realizing there is a type and deciding to say goodbye to it

I am apologizing up front. Today is deep so grab your sweats and Valentine’s Day chocolate boxes-because you know you already have them!


As I am going through this process of getting back into the dating scene to establish a new part of my life I am feeling a little less inspired. Almost to the point that I am putting too much effort into something and potentially pushing it away at a rapid pace as opposed to attracting it into my life.

This foreign lack of confidence is merely stemming off of feeling like I missed something, a step maybe or a movement of one’s body. Over the weekend I ended up meeting up with Romeo #994 and while we enjoyed ourselves for a light evening out, it wasn’t until the end that I found the true intentions.

It’s natural to look out for warning signs, to be aware of our surroundings, postures, gestures, the statements that could possibly deter from what the expected initially was. I did not see this coming and am in absolute denial, and yet.

As hard as I would like to deny that I don’t gravitate to a specific type of man, that is a lie. This man was close to the molding, and when he asked to walk me back to my car not for the slightest moment did I think anything badly. The date, this date was merely only a condition for going home with him of which I declined. When he asked the question, I felt depleted as if I had done something terribly wrong.

With him but more so within myself.

Where are these troubles coming from? I am a decent person living out a very healthy and balanced daily life and yet there are uncertainties that are draining me of being truly happy. Driving back to my flat I replayed all of our conversations, analyzed the dates. And this is when I finally understood. It's me.

I am making me unhappy and am not giving everything I can to something. Somewhere deep down I am telling myself that I am not good enough for someone else’s love or affection and that is being exposed to the people around me. Therefore it is attracting this type of behavior, the short term that I have accepted in the past but refuse to accept now. Because it’s not worth it. Because I am good enough.

I am sure there is more to this man and I am not seeing or am not supposed to see because we are not fitting together at this exact point in time. Since our date I haven’t heard from him nor have I tried to reach out as I don’t really know if that’s my place. I like him but I don’t want to be viewed as a take home kind of woman. There is a positive out of this, I am thankful for getting excited about him and dancing around my flat because that keeps the spark alive knowing the bubble of something great is still inside of me.

Does this call for an emotional detox to re-evaluate and get back into that frame of mind in order to attract others that are like-minded? A certain favorite reality TV bombshell says yes.

I wouldn’t like to think that this step is necessary because I feel fine, I don’t feel completely drained but more like I have let myself down in an area that I can’t seem to climb to the top yet. It’s the Mt. Everest of my life right now.

It is unhealthy to have this sort of hang-up looming over my head for reasons known but unsure of. I still believe that things happen naturally and my emotions are certainly part of this so I must take a moment to really get back into that place where there is real confidence and an immense value on true happiness in everything that I am a part of.

The adventures of dating that completely take us by surprise but ultimately are an informal way of making us look at ourselves from outside of the box.

Enough for now, I’m done with this box of chocolates it’s making for a sugary lipstick.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It’s time to do the laundry



I’m following suit with the theme for today at For the Love of Blogs by cleaning out your closet. Though I already use this blog as a way to vent my way through daily fixtures I am going to do this a little differently by staying with a good outlook on why I am airing this laundry out so to speak.

While I could completely lose it and vent about my intense fear over the past year and a half and that seems to still be happening I’m not doing that because that is reality and it’s a work in progress in kicking that to the curb.
This cleaning out the closet is something else entirely.

I am turning thirty in a month in a half and I am beginning to freak out, it’s more than anxiety and I can’t even believe that this is something rushing through my thoughts.

When I was younger and running around with friends we always used to pretend our Barbie’s were us, on our wedding days, out on dates, dressing up, etc. We would make to do lists or wish lists of everything that we hoped and dreamed for:

XX picking us up after football practice
Marrying a college sweetheart
Buying a house and filling it up with lots of little babies by twenty something
Being a stay at home mom to raise those babies
Becoming a bonafide beach bum


My wish list was very long and now as I am approaching this tender age my list has several tick marks, but there are also several gaps where I have moved on and tried alternative routes. I have veered from the dotted lines.



The list really should not hold such heavy importance over my head but secretly it does, I feel the weight of not only the words but also of my family and the way everyone has followed a certain path in living their lives and where I strayed.

When they turned 22 the majority got married, I was rushing out to San Francisco to pursue a degree in film. They turned 24 and were buying houses I was jet-setting around Europe trying to find me exploring the unknown, and tasting as much gelato as possible. At thirty they all had children or were pregnant. This is where I start to feel the anxiety.

My biological timeclock is ticking like mad and while I have never really been bothered by the differences between my life than with my family or friends around this is where I falter. I am turning thirty and I still have not reached their levels. I am still searching for levels of my own to reach, to build on, to love and appreciate. To experience.

I love and value everything that I have gone through and as these days at turning into a new period in life is different from those around me I have to stop and think my life is just as great as the next person. Different but equally as incredible.

That wish list was written when I was a youngster with a mind stuck in bubble gum clouds never having to deal with the realities of everyday life but it still stuck with me up until this day.

I have gotten this far and think that maybe my wish list was a little premature, maybe I wasn’t ready for other certain things to happen exactly how they were written. Who knows, all I know is that everyone is different, we all live different lives and I am okay with where I am at today.

Okay, but still think it’s unnerving to say that in so many weeks I am going to be turning into an ancient woman. Thankfully I will be an extremely happy ancient woman that has and will continue to accomplish a lot.

Photobucket

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Something sweet in a land of crazy



After the whirlwind weekend that sort of swept through and fell into the start of another week, a night of movies and really trashy TV was in need. Knowing this and that misery needs company(no misery here just the company part), what better to do than call up your friends and gather some people together.

The call got several ladies to break away from their Monday Night Rituals for a relaxing evening in gasp…a townhouse. Even if it isn’t in a mansion or a beauty salon but rather a small, warm and comfortable sanctuary that is my home for last night it was perfect.

Entertaining comes easy, it is something I love to do and tend to do it often. The joy in the idea of getting as many people together for however long, letting go of everything for that period of time just to enjoy the minute, the food and the company is what makes it all worthwhile.

The ladies started to pour into my flat, each of them with a bottle of wine in hand, hors de vours and warm smiles as they walked around. The first thing anyone notices in the front room is the full length mirrored wall. It’s outdated, tac-tastic and several times throughout the evening more than one of the ladies stood in front checking their reflections.

I was rushing around in my kitchen while a handful of them started cracking the bottles open and getting comfy on the couch and chairs. You know it is serious business when the wine gets opened before anyone reaches for a snack!

Hours passed by with back and forth banter flowing while the wine was definitely flowing right alongside.

We were all too focused on having those few hours to turn to each other for support, to laugh about all of the silly nothings, to ask questions, get advice about things that you can only ask a close girlfriend.

By the fireplace I sat sipping wine listening and when they turned to me they all laughed. My major woes are not so much a biggie compared to these women but for friendship sake any problem is no different than anyone else’s.

And here it is, through this crazy bunch of women I have learned how to finally start a fireplace that has remained dark for months, learned a fair amount of inside information about an upcoming fashion show that I am already counting the months down to and know who to turn to the minute I meet a “rich man” and am in need of a pre-nuptial agreement. This said after multiple glasses of wine! Bless the fanatical, intoxicated ex-cheerleaders of the town!

It is in this moment where you have to be thankful for those you cross paths with, no matter where you are at in your life. You will never know what gets tossed in your direction, it’s exciting to see what each day brings and what someone else is going to say to you when least expected.

These women have saved my sanity in more ways than one lately and I value their friendships as it appears we have formed. They’re sweet as pie and cute as a button and for now my flat has become a sort of woman-den and it feels pretty wonderful.

...ps here is the list of ingredients that filled the cheese tray that was devoured before the second bottle of wine.



Monday, January 24, 2011

A Silver Couch, Chocolate Chip Meringues And An Idea



There are days where you want to stay inside, curl up in your zebra printed snuggie and then there are days where you want to bust loose out of the house because cabin fever has taken its hold of you.

It’s cold. Freezing cold. And while I love nothing better than to go out for long walks, when the wind chill is a biting negative something a-rother I shy away and head for the treadmill. Or lets face it. The couch.

The other day, in desperate need to get out I stumbled into my friend’s boutique and spent hours getting lost in the mass sea of clothing, the lovely smells of scented oils and good ol’ fashioned chatter.

We got to talking and a bunch of others came in and joined us while we sat on her silver couch munching on chocolate chip meringues. Just at the point where you are comfortable and want to sprawl out, I got hit with a potential opportunity to join something very fresh and new, something innovative and necessary in times like these.

For a little bit, my friend clued me in on the fundamentals of her business prospect and asked if I would be willing to take a risk and join her on this sort of venture that sounds pretty amazing. It is dealing with the public in a formal sense where I would be writing (yes yes YES) but would need to get licensed in an area I know nothing about. Oye!

So here’s the question that gets posed and seems ridiculous to ask out loud but curiosity killed the cat.

Do you research something that is completely fresh and new or do you jump in trusting this person who has years of experience in the field (and many more) and has a year-long plan already in place?

I’ve already put off getting a masters degree one year because of the economy, is it worth it to put it off another year?

I’m all for making crazy and rash decisions..I did pack up and move far far away from everyone and anyone I have ever known..twice in two years. That and what else am I doing right now? If this gets me out networking well then what’s the problem right?

So I’m weighing my options, still sending out resumes and like buying a swimsuit this idea is brewing.

On a totally different side note. Many many thanks to both Runaway Bride at the Chronicles of an Arranged Indian Marriage and Ashley at "Delightful,yet...?" for giving lots of love to this blondie!

Ashley-I can’t wait to see how Mr. Thursday Night is! RB…you are a brave woman I would flee the country or at least my family if they ever tried to arrange anything for me! It's bad it enough when my mother will say on the phone.."but he's so clean M, you'll like him." Fail.

Until the next post….

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Challenge: Week 4-Measurements



Knowing that measurements were “due” by the weekend, I made an extra effort in pushing that much harder this week to get the fullest endorphin rush. Adding a few more minutes during cardio when intensity levels were booming, adding an extra set for the core conditioning and of course finding love with yoga and pilates to calm things down and stay in a relaxed frame of mind.

With all of this activity, I feel the confidence in my shaping body which is only building motivation to keep getting into the workouts each day. And so for the first section of the Challenge it is time for the report card.

….and the results for the first four weeks are…



Three words to describe this moment: Shocked, Elated and Excited

For the past four weeks I have been making myself accountable for everything that goes into my body and how I counteract and fight this massive battle with the bulge. It has been a constant fight to maintain a sort of zone-like mentality that is motivated and focused to a degree but not to the point of over doing exercises.

I knew that my mid-section was down, I have noticed the indent curving in (praise jesus!!!) above my hips. It’s natural, it is beautiful. It is an ass kicker and I know what I have to do to make that indent slope even further and the work that is going to be put into it to make it happen.

This is only the fourth week, there’s still eight to go. The results are wonderful and I will continue to use this excitement and push it into next week’s workout. I did not take that mission statement lightly and while yes the challenge is transforming my body in the physical form, it’s also a journey through strength, will and reclaiming my sense of being.

A rich way of reaching an unflappable happiness that vibrates deep within and radiates outward.

For cardio: I fluxuated between the treadmill splits and spinning. With all of the strength conditioning my knee was feeling confident enough to hold up to the increased levels and a few classes that I partook in.

For strength: It was back to bootcamp and interval training. Circuits really are my method of choice because it is fast paced and you are constantly in motion. There is never time to get bored and when and if you do, you are moving on to the next set.

For food: It is that time of the month where I am beginning to crave foods, damn mother nature. I picked up some chocolate pudding mix and tried to ease the raging sweet tooth that screamed all week long which seemed to work. It’s low-cal and muy delicioso. The rest of the week was routine and planned out. Chicken has worked itself back into the refridge and has a permanent home there.

I actually think that this week I may partake in a cleanser of sorts to remove any toxins that may still be rummaging their way through out my body. I was reading a book about cleansing your mind, body and soul this week and think now is as good of time as any to rid this body of anything negative.

On a side note, I was in one of the many interviews this week and one of the receptionists complimented me on my physique. This is not something I am bragging about nor gloating because I am not that type of person but it was an odd compliment.

It wasn’t the most expected compliment received this week that is for sure, and I know she meant well by it and I need to take it positively but it struck a chord. She had said that my body looked great and asked if I was training for a competition.

At first I was mortified because A. I want to slenderize (which as per the results I am) and B. Do not want to look like I am a muscle bender. Which as per the results, my boobs are shrinking and my arms and thighs not so much. (Le Sigh)

And it is in this moment that can cause self sabotage. She said a compliment and that is exactly what I will and did accept. I may not have the body of a supermodel, an upper crust socialite or beach beauty but this is me.

I am thankful first and foremost for being alive, having a body that is functioning on healthy levels and love every single ounce inside and out.

Because THIS is ME.

Favorite Exercises this Week


Lesson Learned this week

It is through belief that you can achieve. Take a deep breath and remember to love your body, love your life and most importantly love the knowledge that you can.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

“Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.”



In getting into the specifics of a first date with a new man, please bear with me and my overly kindhearted antics. I’m a tad apprehensive in exploiting Romeo #994 and I will do so as genuinely as possible. But. Well. Shoot.

I am not going to lie. I danced around my flat wearing boy pants and a bra the other night getting ready for the date. Why the trouble? Because it felt damn good.

Damn good in the sense that I felt completely liberated all for the sake of going on a date after a drought. No longer feeling self conscious after the whole sorority debacle, stranger ex bullshit and dropping a dead friend. No thank you, this is all about staying calm and moving forward. Enjoying the moment, of course in the process of getting ready there were several phone calls out to certain friends for opinions on which outfit to wear, which wasn’t appropriate, which looked too toned down even for me.

FRIEND 1:Don’t wear a cardigan Morgs, it’s a no go. You’re telling him no sex until you get your Masters.


ME: But I like cardigans and it would look nice with the dress (to both of them, different calls)


FRIEND 2: You stole it from my grandma at her garage sale, ditch it!


Availability, honesty and utter bitchiness. I love good friends!


Mind you, this drought really wasn’t all that long. The disappearing act was a massive fluke and very much part of last year, but I have accepted that a woman has needs and that not so good morning wakeup call is what it is.

This Romeo; the man is a firecracker, he is genuine and sweet and I am slightly on the smitten side.

We went out on Monday night, I had a busy day filled with interviews the next day. Let’s take a moment to give many thanks to the economy for opening up the job market because this woman needs to get productive. My phone was tickled the day after, mid-day in between two interviews. The tickle was from a one and only Romeo #994.

A little about Romeo #994: They guy is basically Captain America with the locale of the greater Mid West. He has a great job that he is passionate about and does a lot of helping other people throughout the community (he says he is duty bound). Duty bound for what purposes, he wouldn’t say so this has me not only intrigued but sparked a little flag to pay extra attention to his moves. He’s my age (which is a first for me to date someone in the same age range). He’s brilliant but not egotistical or condescending about his intelligence. He’s extremely outgoing and very witty saying things that caught me off guard and of course did not come across in any of our little emails. His laugh is completely infectious and he has soft brown eyes. And did I mention that he is an active busy body and highly athletic.

Can you hear me swooning? Well I am, and I need to shut this off immediately because I cannot be that googly-eyed girl. This needs to be weighed out, gone out for more than a single solid date. But. Well. Shoot.

We met up for coffee in the late afternoon, almost evening and rather than stay inside of the coffee shop (which was none other than a typical Starbucks) we took the drink outside for a less intimidating approach to this date. Or to get away from the other people? I’ll leave that up for discussion.

We were getting along, laughing a lot, never a dull moment in the conversation until I pulled a rather and should have been expected M moment.

This is so quintessential; it screams something that would happen to only me. And to which for this night, it did happen to me at the most inopportune time. A morganism.

While walking across the street, my boot got caught on a piece of ice/slush whatever it was and the next thing I knew I was reaching out for whatever I could get my hands on but eventually fell to the ground. In the slush. Dirtying but thankfully not ripping the leggings as my jacket got the best of the roadside weather roundup.

Nice. Covered in slush. All I could do was right myself and look up into his face and laugh nervously. Embarrassed beyond any words could ever describe. Now this is why I am swooning, he didn’t even laugh at me, he laughed with me. Helped brush off the gunk on my jacket and offered to fall down himself so that he was covered in ice/slush just so I wasn’t alone.

We walked around for a while after that and eventually called it a night. Overall, it turned out to be an easy and fun date and definitely one that goes down in the “this would only happen to M books.”

For the text afterward, it was very simple: Had fun last night, I’m bored today because of it. Can you keep me company during a break?

Don’t worry, I responded. We are going to be getting together this weekend. Where there will not just be coffee and a walk in the snow. Where this will go, who knows.

What I do know and what I can tell you is that the other night was exciting, refreshing and easing the discomfort of online dating because we're just people. Meeting.

You learn a lot about yourself in the face of new people or even people you have known for ages. I have a sneaky feeling that this dating game is going to teach a lot to me about those quirky things I do and definitely make me more aware of every single action I do. Especially if they include tripping.

It is an exciting way to coach my way through becoming a better person, a better communicator and who knows maybe even meet someone great in that process.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Scrumptious Wednesday: Fresh Fruit Tart



Don't you wish you were my neighbors? When I get bored I cook, bake, spend hours in the kitchen...and never eat the majority of what gets made. So who gets to reap in the benefits of good food. Knock. Knock. Knock. Here is an easy and gorgeous way to impress yourself, your loved ones and the people around you.

Fresh Fruit Tart

Tart Shell:
3/4c unsalted butter @room temperature
1/2c sugar
1/2tsp pure vanilla extract
1 3/4c all-purpose flour
pinch of salt

Pastry Cream:
6 extra large egg yolks-@room temp
3/4c sugar
3TBSP cornstarch
2c whole milk
2TBSP unsalted butter
1tsp pure vanilla extract
2TBSP heavy cream
1tsp Cognac or brandy

Pastry Cream Directions:
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted w/a paddle attachment, beat the egg yolks and sugar on medium-high speed for about 3 minutes, until the mixture is light yellow and falls back into the bowl in a ribbon. On low speed, beat in the cornstarch. Bring the milk to a bowl in a large saucepan and, with the electric mixer on low, slowly pour it inot the egg mixture. Then pour the mixture back into the saucepan.

Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly w/awhisk or wooden spoon until the mixture is thick, about 10 minutes. Bring to a boil and cook on low heat 2-3 minutes more. Taste to be sure the cornstarch is cooked out. Remove from the heat, mix in the butter, vanilla, cream and cognac and strain into a bowl. Place plastic wrap directly over the custard/cream and refrigerate until cold.

For the pastry:
Preheat the Oven to 350 degrees
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted w/a paddle attachment, mix the butter and sugar together until they are just combined. Add the vanilla. In a medium bowl, sift together the flour and salt, the add them to the butter and sugar mixture. Mix on low speed until the dough starts to come together. Dump onto a surface dusted w/flour and shape into a flat disk. Press the dough into a 10 inch false bottom fruit tart pan, making sure the finished edge is flat. Chill until firm.

Butter one side of a squre of aluminum foil to fit iside the tart and place it, buttered side down, on the pastry. Fill with beans or rice. Bake for 20 minutes. Remove the foil and beans, prick the tart all over with the tines of a fork, and bake again for 20-25 minutes more, or until lightly browned. Allow to cool to room temp.

Spread the tart with the (pastry cream, lemon curd or fruit preserves)and place the fruit in a design that suits your liking. Serve immediately.

Voila!

Monday, January 17, 2011

*Wink* I think you’re kinda cute, want to get some coffee?



Tonight is date night with Romeo # 994, and marks the second date since getting started on this friendture. Romeo #995-yowza he was sleaze to the heaping core! Sex please, ugh not after one date where there was very little active conversations.

While I was putting together the playlist for this week, I had been instant messaging with a Romeo #994, which lets back this up.

Instant Messaging or IMing can go two ways. Genuine or full on cyber porn. That’s fine and well, but for the love of god man(and this goes out to one individual only), when I’ve denied you three times in one day and then several more times days later take the hint! I’m not down to getting a little loving from you, find another cyber girlfriend.


Romeo #994, he’s an alright guy through the emails. Over the weekend we exchanged numbers and talked on the phone briefly. Despite not being a phone person, I like to at least know how the other person is going to sound. It needs to be more personal than emails. His voice, is deep and he has a rich laugh.

Our conversation lasted for longer than the typical. I am intrigued by Romeo #994 and am curious how tonight is going to go.

I’m not overanalyzing anything or getting hyped by this but it’s nice to be sitting here at home knowing that I am getting out on a school night. For coffee and a walk in the snow. To meet a boy.

I’m off to slink my body into the bath and get some relaxation in and god willing am putting that playlist on while I get ready. Who needs the gym when you’ve got fun music and enough space to dance around in your house!

CHALLENGE: Week 4 Playlist



Oh we bouts to go old school for this week y’all! Why? Because who doesn’t want to bust out the pink leg warmers, the neon bandana and finesse your way through jazzercise?

A full on KARAOKE NIGHT with proper 80’s dress sounds fantastic right about now! This may call for a virtual one via facebook or skype.

Warm Up:
Young Hearts Run Free~Candi Statton
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing~Leo Slayer

Cardio HIIT:
The Humpty Dance~Digital Underground
Hot Stuff-Donna Summer
Do you Wanna Touch Me~Joan Jett
Mickey~Toni Basil
Money-dance remix~The Flaming Lizards
Lady Marmalade~Patty LaBelle
Naughty Girls~Samantha Fox
Baby Got Back~Sir Mix A Lot

Cool Down:
Got to Give it Up~Marvin Gaye
I want to be Free~Ohio Players
Don’t Stop Believin~JOURNEY

Of course the list is a mile long and this is only a snippet, does is it make you think about what your favorite hit as a go to must for karaoke night or do you avoid the electric microphone and all of its glory?

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Challenge: Week 3


“No you do not work out your core. You are totally arm heavy. You are all bi’s and tri’s and everything else is fat and ribs.”

If you like this type of humor, then catch up on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Love me some Dennis!


Back to the challenge. This week, I was all over the map. Up and at the gym at six, out by eight or back in by nightfall. The week was scattered with a few outings and days where I did not feel motivated to crack the whip on the exercise horse. But of course, I did.

Tuesday was the wine night, and yes I enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine. Which went straight to my head, literally. I planned out the day so I could add the extra calories and went in that night a little less full and immediately regretted feeling the buzz. That’s a slight lie, the warm haze was nice but swift and immediate so I started looking out for some nosh to nibble on.

The night out was fun but I will say that being surrounded by that many women filled my mind with an overload of chatter and emotions, I miss having a ladies’ night and am looking forward to the next one. For some reason I left feeling deflated and a little unsure about ME because of all of the crazy and convoluted converstions that were going on. Not all crazy but some of them made me question what I was doing and where I am at today.

It’s strange to have even had a faltering in my mind because of the influence of other people and I don’t like it but that’s what happened so I took Wednesday off to really consider what is going on upstairs. Trying to figure out what I could do to get back into the swing of things.

How M got her groove back.


I drank coffee. I watched a bunch of really crappy tv shows and got caught up on Million dollar Matchmaker. After one too many hours of loafing it around, I got my bum off of the couch and did some pilates. It was refreshing. This little funk was the residual of the other women, it wasn’t me. I told myself this repeatedly until it finally sunk in late that night.

By Thursday I got back into the structured mode and decided that regardless of how I am feeling, I will get to the gym or outside for a fast paced walk along the river. Either way I’ll let those moments pass by without taking hold of me. Inhale and exhale. Breathe and release!

For the cardio: I stuck it out with the elliptical and treadmill this week. I have been closely watching the classes taking place and they are JAM packed so I’ll try again this coming week if I can get into a couple but will work on something to keep the heart rate moving either way. Swimsuit here we come!

For the strength: It’s a new year at the gym which means, there are a lot of New Years Resolution folks. A lot of people in the weights area. Even at 6:30am, but I’ve found that people are genuinely nice about the benches so I go as quickly as my body allows and make my way for extra cardio. That and several of the same people have begun working out next to me so I need to remember to get out of the zone for a minute and say good morning!

For food: I already mentioned the break this week for the wine and I feel good about it. Not to say oh lets have wine every night. If you want it, go for it. It’s all about moderation so just take it easy and push a little harder the next day during the workout.

I can’t even believe three weeks are completed. My body is feeling amazing each and every single day. From here until the end of this challenge, in order to keep the positivity flowing, I’m going to be doing pilates or yoga twice during the week on top of everything. My body needs this sort of change, this soothing calm that is technically working out but making the muscles more languid.

Favorite Exercises this Week

Shoots, sad to report there aren't any favorite exercises this week (rotation and no motivation mode), but if you need any send an email and I’ll shoot some your way! Buuuuut I do have a treat...



Lesson learned this week


Listen to your body, listen to yourself and don’t self hate. No matter what there will always be temptation and you can have certain things in moderation. But by giving into self hate, you are already being defeated. You are strong, beautiful and amazing! ALWAYS

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Beauty Spotlight: The Eyes

Eyeliner


Alright ladies, when lining your waterline you want to find a liner that goes on smoothly right? One that is not going to rip up the sensitive skin or make your eyes water the second you start to apply the color.



I am a budget finder and live for scouting out deals. Mainly because I don't see the point of cashing out $60 for a YSL eyeliner or mascara. No thank you(even if the mascara does smell delicious and like roses!). So when I was rummaging through Target I stumbled across Jemma Kidd's I-conic Eye.



Incredible and a definite beauty find. The pencil is comprable to MAC or even Stila's soft kohl liners and sells for an easy $14. I love how stores like Target or convenience shops are beginning to sell better quality makeup lines. Don't get me wrong, Covergirl and Revlon make fabulous finds but for this particular product Jemma's got them beat!

The products are sold not only at Target, but through the JK website as well as Amazon.com.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Entering a woman’s closet is another entrance to her soul



I am not a fashionista though sometimes I would like to think that my style is apparent and some trends I do follow. I take pride in dressing up and dressing down for that matter.

Walking into my closet this morning trying to figure out what to wear, I started touching each of the pieces hanging up.

Remembering where each had come from, when they were purchased and why they hold a spot on the racks.

For a very long time I never allowed myself the simple pleasure of picking up a new pair of shiny shoes, a flattering dress or a sweater that was snug and fit perfectly.

For some reason, it just wasn’t important. There was always something else that needed to be paid for, someone else that needed to be taken care of. I wasn’t important.

Someone very close said recently, you are what you wear. I never put any emphasis into this because I am not a materialistic person. I am perfectly content with simple things but still take time to appreciate the finer things whenever they are introduced.

I can remember a time (not that long ago but definitely before the walk in closet!) where I only had a single pair of heels that I would walk two miles home in each day, barely enough dress clothes to get through two weeks of work before having to do a repeat performance.

I was un-happy. I was not placing the importance on myself. It wasn’t as though certain items couldn’t be afforded it just wasn’t a major priority.

With the silky salmon blouse, the patterned blue chiffon dress and the rows of heels I still cannot believe that all what fills my closet truly is me. It smells of peace and a freshness that can only be achieved when you are in that place. That place of greatness, a closet.

It is an entrance to my world. It is not a fashion statement. It is not a budget buster. It is simply me.

Me to a T.

There is warmth and comfort in all that is found in that closet and I embrace it with love and acceptance. Inside is the strength of body, sense of protection and a vision of being steadfast. It is not just clothing but is taking value in your life, appreciating everything that you have, that you are involved with, that you are and what you can be.

Take a minute and appreciate what you have and all that you can have and know that you will have it.

PS…it’s Friday so have a fantastic day!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

My manfriend is a just a click away (along with 995 others!)

It is official, I have signed up for an online dating service. Okay, not just now but a week ago after the whole incident that seemed to wreak like month old garbage.

After hearing countless people say the same things over the past few months and then sitting down with the housewives sorority the other night. I decided I’m going to get serious about dating and stop mocking this process.

Last year was a complete fluke in character and I will admit that I was no prude and fully partook in the spinster lifestyle. When you’re working with a hot surgeon and around firefighters in the parks (if you've got a FF in your family it's instant success), um yes you would too!

It’s true, my methods have not been working so why not try something a little different. Even if it isn’t all that natural and purely electronic. My mind is thinking of something else entirely. Dirty minds, yours was too!

Since meeting new people randomly out and about getting coffee, in the gym (hmm) or out at a park or walking path I have noticed that these little meetings have only lead to little meetings.

Random dates, one night only dates. Of course some of them have turned into something else, a few scattered dates but nothing that pulls you directly where you are super amped and giddy.

Keeping a positive frame of mind, not allowing silly insecurities (its online Morgs, ONLINE, you don’t see these guys) I’m pushing the balls to the wall and going to get my outgoing self online.

Ugh, I shudder but….STAYING POSITIVE!

Lots of people meet online, I have friends who are married from meeting online or are living together. Why am I making this such a big deal?

Because for some reason I feel like I’m pushing bad karma into the universe by not having faith in what’s out there. This is the free spirit in me talking, and sometimes I want to wrap a scarf around that bohemian mentality and say shut the hell up and go sip on some tea in the grass!

I’m not bohemian, far from if I’m having wine nights with the ladies. But they got me thinking about my whole approach.

I’m not looking for a soul mate. I’m looking for Mr. Right Now, Mr. I can call you when I want to, Mr. you can call me when you want to (and I will answer WHEN I want to), Mr. You are too cute for words right now.

This is about meeting people, so that is how I’m going to go about it.
Networking and if there's more involved, right on. Only minus the spinster bit because that is seriously so 2010!

Anyways, I’m off to go and collect some coffee and head out for a walk along the river...and venture online.

What's your take on online dating. Positives, negatives? The dirrty dirrty and the greatness? Would you do it or have you done it?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Pushing certain loitering feelings aside

Sitting and gabbing with a bunch of women last night made certain feelings creep up the backside of my neck and take residence for a fitful rest and a day for pondering.

I know that deep down, I should not allow personal insecurities to overpower my mind and the way I react emotionally but sometimes it is easy to fall blind to them when they are least expected or are deep rooted with incredible hiding places.

These emotional uncertainties at first appear small but slowly expand and start to dominate all thoughts making it hard to find a positive resource, a resonated exit to which is acknowledged but let go within minutes or even seconds. Any amount of time to ward off the acceptance because it is through the acceptance that feeds the power of it.

For a long time I have created a wall as a form of security and as it turns out, this wall has been my fear blanket and completely negating everything I fight hard to ward out of this life and the way I react. It was a supposed safety net but in actuality, it was damaging my soul and the exuberant light I have. My light was dimming (damn that tarot reading, I am far less skeptical now!!).

Always walking into a situation I keep an open mind, eyes are wide open and I embrace anything that is directed in front, to the side or above and beyond. This wall has blocked my plain of sight, it has shielded my thoughts and kept them in the confines of the blocked off area.

Being with the group and now sitting at home taking this moment for clarity I understand the insecurities and acknowledge that they were fear based. They are not worth dwelling on and it is my choice in how to read the meaning behind them.

For months and probably years I have been slowly getting anxiety about certain aspects of my life and how things are turning out, where things have gone and very easily lost sight of where I am at in that very moment. All of these thoughts were directed inwardly and looked at from a backward position.

Because I get consumed by all of this time in an indeterminate state, I lose sight of everything that has been accomplished and continues to be, the joys that have been experienced and the power of will that it took to get through it all. The happiness of everyday life.

I don’t know where I am going with all of this, I don’t have any profound answers but I do know that living through your heart is much better than living through your fears.

So what does this all mean, I’m old enough to know that self doubting is not worth the frustration and the sleepless nights and that life is precious so why not grab a bull by its horns and run with it?

Figuratively speaking of course! Or not...it could technically be a new man you know! (since we've gotten signed up with the whole online jag)

Anyways, I’m tired and rambling because last night was refreshing and I am eternally thankful that I sat down with that bunch of ladies. All of my crazy antics seem frivolous and are not worth any time expelled on them. Life is too short to walk around with a frown plastered on your face.

So with that, get out and enjoy your day. Smile at someone, kiss your loved ones and laugh a little louder!

Happy Wednesday

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Can you pass the wine please

Later today I get to get spruced up, add a little extra curl to the hair and throw on a set of heels (me in flats, not gonna happen! Stalky leg syndrome) for a cocktail party. I am ridiculously excited for this that it’s almost pathetic!

If it weren’t for one person I honestly think I would have packed up and flown the coup a month ago, but that is not the case and I have made a friend and with that friend came a network that I am very slowly but surely getting involved with.

Over the weekend I got invited to this party of sorts, more like a wine night filled with a bunch of ladies from town, gossip and outright fun.

I need this more than needing to sharpen the eyeliner that keeps digging into my waterline. I cannot stand not having some girls to call on for a wine and bitch-fest night. It’s not as though I have not made an effort within the community or been holed up inside of my flat because I definitely am not and have done quite the opposite. I’ve put myself out there in more ways than one and am still coming up short. But I’m revamping my style and going to try something a little different which will hopefully turn out, we’ll see.

Most of the ladies that are coming out are the elite of the town I live in, which is really quite strange because how in the hell did I even manage to get inside of this little network is by pure chance. I am not elite, I don’t live in a mansion nor own my own hair salon let alone magazine.

No, far from unfortunately. I just so happen to enjoy shopping and stumbled into a store, got to talking with the owner and wham, instant friendship and intro into the “network.”

At the last wine night I went to, my outgrown bangs got touched up (there was a stylist there) and then proceeded to sip many glasses of wine in between conversations of cheating husbands and determining waxing specialists. Do you have popcorn yet! I wish I had some just stating this out loud, reality tv in living form.

So I have a feeling that tonight will go one of two ways.

Either I will avoid the glass of wine because of the immense amount of guilt I would feel due to this challenge I am putting myself through. Or I will not be socially awkward and take up a drink if I feel like it. Because I am worth it.

I have sort of cut a deal with myself. I need to let loose because life is short. Why put so much pressure on yourself if you can’t even stop to actually enjoy the things that are happening around you.

If you can answer that question then you are a stronger person than I because I honestly think it’s not worth it to the degree of blinding oneself to your surroundings.

I love my body (and respect every ounce of it) and am working very hard on the challenge but challenge be damned for a few hours if I am having a good time and am actually (gasp) enjoying life and a party.

So this is what it all comes down to, if I want it then I will take it. Because I am worth it.

I repeat this because this is something I need to remember. It is part of the resolution that I said I would never make but surprisingly did. I need to have fun, need to keep networking, need is the common theme here. Especially coming from an essentially non-needy person.

With that being said, I’m jetting off with this fine cup of coffee and see which dress to wear tonight. I’m thinking one of the two with accessories and pink lip gloss.





But then again I may just stick with the ever faithful leggings and an open back lace shirt. If I am not an elite, I can at least fake it until I make it though I don’t really think I’d want to snag a membership to their dysfunctional housewives club for fear of transforming into a platinum blonde botox goddess, oh forget it I am rambling! All of these decisions, I love it!

Happy Tuesday, by the way it’s SNOWING!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Remembering to grab hold of the excitement

There are parts of me that truly believes in the spiritual side of psychic mediums, tarot readers I am a little skeptical of.

Does part of your emotional vibrations pass onto the cards when you shuffle them? Does the tarot reader really see beyond the cards or is it all left for an open interpretation.

A little about the visit, to begin with my friend owns a boutique in town and occasionally has tarot readers or psychics stop by for her clients. The shop has regular store hours but after knowing how she works, the majority is by appointment only so she can devote her time in styling her patrons.

She reads people very well and knows her clientele and as a way of not only promoting her store she brings in outside people. Tarot readers, psychics or even belly dancers for these private appointments. It’s brilliant really and gets the word out on the street or around town that her shop really is all that and a bag of chips.

Going in with an appointment set, I cruised through the racks to see if anything was new before settling down in front of the reader.

Now this is where my skepticism comes into play. I know all of this is in good fun and is to be taken lightly but I still think the universe works in mysterious ways and there is a little room for flux.

I sat down with the reader and started shuffling the cards focusing on a main subject that is riding on my mind right now(relationships) and as the cards started getting placed in front of me the man started giving off little noises like “Hmm” “That’s interesting” “Hmmmmmmm.”

So naturally I am thinking off of the bat, this is great. I’ve chosen the death kill on these cards and life is going to end. Over a stupid card.No, life is not going to end. Stop being over dramatic.

As he was explaining the symbolism behind the cards he stopped at the look of my face. I wasn’t quite buying him up until the middle card. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you the name of the card and I am still really shocked that it bothered me.

Before he stopped, he said that there has been past and inner conflict that has put the fire out within me.

What?

Hearing someone say basically you’ve lost your light is like getting slapped in the face.

I am always optimistic and genuine with people and I am more embarrased in myself because I scoffed at his statement. I fully got on the emotional defense internally and kept telling myself positive reinforcements trying to make sure that his card or reading of the card did not burst some positivity within me.

Then I stopped and really thought about it and rather than ridicule my actions just stopped thinking altogether.

Even if that card was pulled, so what. I can turn that frown upside down and make right within myself. If a light has been dimmed well then I’ll reignite it and get it to burst full of light like the sun.

I walked out of the shop feeling no less different than I did going in. I'm still excited about every single day, still positive and happy to be experiencing anything and everything that is going on around me and simply just being. So the cards I pulled didn’t tell me my future.

If they did, would I really want to know what was going to happen?

So this poses a question, would you want to know your future even if it wasn't grand soirees and white picket fences?

CHALLENGE: Week 3 Playlist



Are you in the groove yet? (btw……Wii Fit does too count!!) Here is another set of songs to get your blood pumping-hopefully! Does your music player feel used, abused and overplayed yet? Mine is getting used to the Ke$ha repeats. Got to love the trashy popstar and her unladylike lyrics!

Warm Up:
Public Service Announcement~The Bravery
Dominoes~The Big Pink

Cardio HIIT:
F**kin’ Perfect~Pink
I Love You So Scream-remix~Cassius
Grow a Pear~Ke$ha
Hello~Martin Solveig
Get me Bodied-Timbaland Remix~Beyonce
Don’t like the Drugs~Marilyn Manson (eek, I blame the liking of this song on a certain Italian..isn’t that terrible!)
Homecoming~Kanye West
Rebel Rebel~David Bowie

Cool Down:
When you’re Dreaming w/a Broken Heart~John Mayer
Portland, Oregon~Loretta Lynne ft. Jack White

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Challenge: Week 2

I am not going to lie, this was a roller coaster week and I am happy to report it is OVER!! Emotionally, it was difficult and for many of the days I used that stress or boiled over anger and put it to use in better outlets. Cardio, weights and meditation were what made each day that much more positive.

For this challenge, I purposefully did not weigh myself. For one, I hate numbers. They stress me out, negate my thought process and are more intimidating than exercise. Instead, I go by how I feel and the measurements of my body. I know there are numbers on the measurements but to me pounds are not a motivator and are an easy out for self sabotage. The tape measurements will be taken every 4 weeks in these areas:

Across the breasts
Around the widest part of upper arm
Across waist at belly button level
Across widest part of abdomen
Around widest part of bum
Around widest part of thigh
Around middle of calf


While I don’t expect to see major physical results until about the eighth or ninth week if continuing at this rate (any day before this would be greatly appreciated!!), I am feeling a huge increase in energy levels.

During the first week, I was getting into the gym in or around 8:30am non-cardio days. This week I got to the gym by 6:30am. Not only are there no crazy people to deal with in the club zone (weights area) but my internal clock has gotten amped about something and is waking itself up in the 5’oclock range.

Which, I don’t know about anyone else but 5am is insanely early.

So please, (body I am talking to you) refrain from the electrical charge you send through at that time and keep resting for another hour!


Okay, I lied. I am seeing results and this is a tad depressing…the first thing to go from this body of mine. The ever shrinking breasts. I am not top heavy and love my average size and this part of being a woman but sure enough they are the first to “downsize.” Sad sad sad. JLo booty can go, breasts I would like to keep please. Maybe I should start carrying kleenex in every handbag!

Cardio this week was a slow go at first. Awhile back I was preparing for a marathon and blew out a knee half way through the training. It was awful, I cried a lot and an orthopedic specialist gave some of the worst news of my physical life. No more running. I was dead set on spin classes for the entire week but after one, my knee shouted out against the classes. It was time to get creative.

Knowing that the stairmaster was an automatic out, I moved to the treadmill and did splits. They were very annoying, it’s geektastic, but you get the job done. Basically, at an incline and a higher speed (just under a jog) walk forward and switch it out to walk sideways/backwards. I shuffled as much as the knee would permit. Repeat: Geektastic.

It might be time to break loose and buy a swimsuit. There is a pool with lanes and laps might be something to think about for another upcoming cardio set. I’m not quite sold on this yet but the idea is brewing.

For the strength training section: This week was all about bootcamp, a la circuit training. What is so great about having circuits is that your body does not have time to adjust and get used to what is being thrown at it. Kickbacks to mountain climbers, you’re in constant go mode. Plus you’re using your own natural weight for several intervals. At home friendly!

For the foods: Wine shmine. We’ve made it this far and still going strong. No, we are not really all that strong, it’s officially day 14 sans alcohol. I don’t crave sweets or foods for that matter. Wine is the primo crave factor. What in the world, I’m not even a big drinker but I cook with it and DO NOT trust myself to have an open bottle in the refridge. Plus, I am going to a cocktail party on Tuesday where there will be heavy temptations, i.e. Wine. Ugh, I need a sponsor.

Favorite core exercises for this week


Walking push ups:

Start in a plank position on elbows and toes, body in 1 line. Push yourself up to your right hand, then left. Lower yourself to your right elbow and then the left elbow. Repeat switching lead arms halfway through the set. Do eight to 12 reps. Add intensity by lifting one leg off of the floor and hold as you do this. Switch legs halfway through the set.

Side lying triangle w/stability ball

Lie on your right side w/a stability ball between your legs by your ankles. Hips stacked on top of each other and right elbow on the floor. Push yourself up to your right hand and hold. Lift your left arm so it’s in lie w/your left shoulder. Return to start and repeat. 12 reps. (Just like side T side plank reach overs)

Lesson learned this week

Mind over matter went far this week and I feel blessed and proud that I was able to overcome a lot of emotions and incorporate it into what was important for right then in that moment. Basically in a nutshell, YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Dear John: It is time to move on

There comes a time in your life when you must do whatever is necessary to keep an inner strength and positivity deep within yourself. Hard as hell as it may seem, in order to stay true to yourself and to what you believe in, it must be done.

It is that time, time to de-friend someone.

This is the most difficult thing for me to do; anyone who knows me knows that I am the largest pushover known to man. Saying no to a girl-scout let alone hanging up on a phone stalker trying to sell a newspaper subscription is difficult.

Riding high from a week filled with major surprises, upsets and confusing outcomes my mind was tired, cranky and on edge when a call came in from a “friend.”

This friend and I have been wavering for some time, she calls when she needs to relieve steam. And of course, I listen. Pushover. I am a good friend to her, however she flees if I ever am in need of support. Which is not often but when you need a friend, it is nice to know you have someone on call. She is not someone I would call.

I have never been a lengthy telephone conversation person, but being as I live nowhere near my family nor friends this little value is holding more importance and I'm learning to embrace the phone with each passing day. For the most part, unless it is the core group I am brief in conversations or listen to what is going on with other people.

With this week and its emotional havoc I updated the FB status like crazy and spent the majority of the week on the phone, I needed immediate support.

Which naturally brought in a phone call from this “friend” who saw an update, she was concerned. The call lasted no more than 12 minutes (Thank you Blackberry for having a call log) and I barely managed a single sentence in. She was calling to give mindless babble about a shameless or not so shameless encounter. These conversations I honestly don’t mind with my friends. Whatever, everyone chats. That’s what we do.

But don’t call me and then hang up on me when I need to vent too. I am always here to listen and provide support to anyone but friendships/relationships are mutual. They’re two way streets. I was more than a little irritated and the call put our friendship in perspective. I swear this week has been a serious break up week. Putting being a pushover aside, I’m non-confrontational and friends with EVERYBODY and all of the sudden I’m tossing out all of the bad things and eventually replacing with better. What the hell happened this week?

When it rains it pours. This is not a joke.

So I’m de-friending through an email. It’s completely impersonal, I hate this. I hate that I have to even use the word hate. Childish doesn’t even come close to how stupid this notion is especially at this point in my life and it sounds like I’m in junior high school let alone a aging woman.

While I’m sitting here, figuring out how to break up with a friend in a nice and cordial way I know that she will never understand what I am writing. She will only see whatever it is that she wants to see. That come next week, my telephone will once again ring and a missed call will come in from a certain number.

Will my conscience kick into overdrive making my fingers itch to dial up only to be talked at, not talked with? No. It is raining, but it’s not pouring. I’m taking this week as a serious wake up call for not sweating the small stuff. People come and go in life, I may like a lot of them but there are some that I will not connect well with and this is okay. It is okay to say no and to let them go.

(MORGS, YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS!!!)

All of that was in the past couple of days, the message went out late last night and I woke up this morning feeling somewhat relieved. There is a fresh dusting of snow on the roads this morning and I will only see the good in it. It’s beautiful outside, the day is new and after a much needed sisterly phone call I’m headed out for a tarot reading! Thank you Debbie (ya heard my crazy antics!) for being a genius and owning a gorgeous store with a lot more than clothes!!!

Happy Saturday all!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Booty Bootcamp...T.G.I.F.

A little glance at the bootcamp killer that has been rotated in this week. I cannot even begin to say how lovely it is to be Friday!

General Warm up x 5minutes
_____________________
Jumping Squat 3x15
Plyo Pushups 3x15
_____________________
Shoulder Press 3x15
Mountain Climber 3x1 minute (THE DEVIL INCARNATE!!!)
(If you have a treadmill sprint for this instead of mtn clmbr)
Sumo Squat 3x15
_____________________
Bench Dip 3x15
Jump Rope 3 x 1 minute
(If you have a treadmill, sprint for 1 minute)
One legged pelvic thrusts 3x15
_____________________
Weighted crunches 3x15
Jumping Jacks 3x1minute
(if you have a treadmill, sprint for 1 minute)
_____________________
Tricep Kickbacks 3x15
Jumprope 3x1 minute
(if you have treadmill, sprint for 1 minute)
Russian Twist 3x15
_____________________

CooldownTHANK GOODNESS!!!

And to think this was only Monday. Lord have some mercy. Definitely a brutal workout and my poor knee was aching terribly but it felt good to really dominate the gym for this little diddy. And no I am so not talking about Puff Daddy.

Anyways, the day awaits.

Happy Friday and have a fantastic weekend.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Little things that make a smile contagious

With everything that has been taking place over the course of this week thus far, I was in need of some serious therapy. Whether that be going out for a walk to clear my mind and meditate or actually (gasp) do something out of the ordinary and treat myself to a much needed reward.

A reward sounds absurd but, for the sake of today, this week and everything else that is what I’m going with.

I phoned up my aesthetician and decided that it was time for a follow up appointment. If anything, I can at least make myself feel somewhat attractive and desirable despite whatever else is going on right?

Right.

So I’m in her little office, filled with the serenity of the quiet and candle filled calm. The light sounds of music playing in the background. And for the entire hour got lost in conversation with my Bulgarian aesthetician.

I got the full rundown of her adventures in the Virgin Islands and spending an entire day in a police station because of a bizarre taxi accident, she asked how I was doing with meeting people and whether I flew back for the holidays and then we got to talking about dating.

Because this is on my brain and obviously hers as well.

The longer we talked, the more I couldn’t scrap the thought that her issue with her ex-husband completely mirrored the issue with the stranger ex. It was all too surreal and of course I told her this but it made me really think about how the universe works.

Sometimes, and this is a stretch. But sometimes I think that there are certain things that we manifest in thought and is brought right in front of us for the taking.

Take this appointment for example. I do not know this woman outside of her being a certified professional and yet she and I both are experiencing almost identical dilemmas and we were in her small office together for an entire hour.

Universe or not, you can’t deny the inner workings here.

Walking out of the appointment, I felt rejuvenated and as crazy as this sounds. More like myself. For the past few months I have waivered from feeling okay to saying I feel okay and not really allowing the reality to register that there was ever a faltering in my emotions.

Today, sitting with my Bulgarian lady something snapped inside and it was like an inner voice telling me that everything is what you make of it and that this is just a part of life. There is so much happening all around that I cannot allow something to take reign on me and control how I feel. If I do, then only allow it for a short period of time and then let it go. Life is happening and moving like a carousel, it’s time to give the usher my ticket and claim a spot on the ride.

It’s fundamental and of course I already know all of this but it is easy to become blind to a situation, a numbing of emotion, etc. Being around someone and seeing how they are getting through whatever it is they must to survive puts everything into light.

At the end of the appointment, we chatted for longer and I ended up walking out wearing a huge smile. Who knows how and where you meet people and how they may affect your life. It’s funny that way, but for some reason I was meant to be in that room today having that conversation with the aesthetician, who for this little piece was transformed into a counselor of sorts.

Only she carries an electrical wand to close up your pores with. It’s nothing magical by any means. Oh but you know what I mean.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Scrumptious Wednesday: Cajun Chicken

In honor of the Challenge, and to feed the inner ragin’ Cajun in you. Here’s a full compass meal that is hearty and jam packed with nutrition. The recipe itself only calls for Cajun seasoning, meh. I must digress and say flavor your chicken however you like, that and I am not a big fan of butter so I opted to leave the butter buds out of the recipe. For seasoning the chicken, I used herbs de provence, fresh thyme and a hint of cayenne and it turned out nicely!

Cajun Chicken
2 portions whole wheat rigatoni (4oz uncooked)
2 portions chicken breast (1/2 lb)
2 TBP Cajun seasoning
1/2c skim milk
1 bag (5oz) baby spinach leaves
8 oz fresh mushrooms, sliced
1 TBSP Butter Buds
1 tomato, chopped

Prepare rigatoni according to its package directions. Lightly coat a large skillet with cooking spray and place over medium heat. Coat chicken breasts w/seasonings. Place chicken breasts in skillet, turn and cook for 6 minutes on each side. transfer the cooked chicken breasts to a plate, cover w/foil to keep warm.

Add milk, cooked pasta, spinach, mushrooms and butter buds to skillet, mix well. Cover and simmer over low heat, stirring occasionally until heated through. About 5 minutes. Divide pasta mixture into two portions and top w/a portion of the Cajun chicken. Garnish with tomatoes and serve.



(2 servings, takes about 25 minutes start to finish!)

Voila!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Soaking it up in the form of liquefied valium

With all of this movement on my poor and pliant body, I have taken up an intense love affair with bubble baths. There is nothing more luxurious than slinking every limb into a bath filled with hot water. The beaches in the South of France are equally as luxurious but for the sake of argument, this is about the bath.

This coming from a woman who hated baths for much of her lifetime. Thankfully that came to an abrupt end with a stay at a local B&B. The bath was the size of a studio flat (not really but it was very deep and oh so sexy) with the water pouring into it from the ceiling. A Japanese oasis spa experience in the middle of peninsula nowhere-land.



Talk about absolute bliss and a cherry popper for reclaiming bath devotion.


For some reason I had not even touched the bath in the new place and decided it was well in need for a good breaking in. For a long time I’ve held Sundays on reserve for “days of luxury” as an ex-boyfriend used to call them.

On those days, I’d make a pot of coffee, stay in pj’s all day and pretty much get comfortable on the couch with crappy made for TV movies ( Lifetime is televised crack). At some point during the day the nail vanish came out, fingers and toes got done up and a mask went on. Pure luxury. This little tradition has been tampered down slightly and things are done infrequently.

Hence the solo date with Prince Liquid Valium. No nail painting this time.

Lights off. Candles lit. Bubbles set. It was on.

For my achy body!

How long did I stay in the water, this I could not say. It was like slipping a valium and being swept away into the sweet valley of relaxation. Without the influence of a one aforementioned substance.

I love simple joys like taking a bath and how great it makes you feel. Your body feels fantastic afterwards, you are completely overheated and for a short while your mind is free from all of the clutter that filled it earlier.

My closest friend sent a moisturizer from London at Christmas which was perfect timing in testing it out.



Pick it up! Soap & Glory’s Righteous Butter is a nice after bath/shower addition. The scent is faint and the texture is just the right amount of cream vs oil. The creamy shea butter soaks into damp skin leaving you silky soft for an entire day. Big plus, it’s affordable and caps out at under $20.

Target used to sell Soap & Glory products but I think there are troubles with distribution. I know Boots does in the U.K. If anything it’s on ASOS.

Enough rambling about baths and promoting products that I clearly do not know where they are sold, the day awaits.

Have a very Happy Tuesday.

Monday, January 3, 2011

CHALLENGE: Week 2 Playlist



Hey-Oh!!! Sorry for the delay, today was a little chaotic.Week 1 is dead and gone! Here’s another round of songs that are part of the mix to keep things shakin’ and grindin’ this week. My personal favorite is Ellie Goulding-that girl has a voice of a saint!

Warm Up:
Wake Up~Arcade Fire
Die by the Drop~The Dead Weather

Cardio HIIT:
Rocketeer~Far East Movement
Lights On~Katy B
The Time~Black Eyed Peas
Firework~Katy Perry
What’s My Name~Rihanna
Poison~Nicole Scherzinger
Check it Out~will.i.am & Nicki Minaj
Who’s that Chick?~David Guetta ft Rihanna

Cool Down:
Like We Never Loved At All~Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
Your Song~Ellie Goulding

Going all out vs naturally staying the course

I need a minute.

Yesterday was hellacious, not the way to start a brighter and better year. Today I am reaping in the emotional turmoil (for this minute only!!!). To start it I had a coffee date with a guy I had met randomly before Christmas. We had gotten together once before for a brief walk and talk but it was freezing outside and the time we had was cut a tad short.

Our little chat was nice, genuine. He was sweet. My mind short circuited the minute we sat down on the fluffy chairs of the coffee shop.

It felt like purchasing a car, or more like he was purchasing a car.

We went through the typical dating questions which were easier because there had been a couple of holidays in between. I wasn’t feeling it, I wasn’t feeling him in that pull sort of way when you click with someone and things flow. They were not flowing.

According to our conversation, I’d be walking away with a: 4 door luxury sedan with Wisconsin plates, a motor that can rev up to $100,000+ in a year and fits comfortably in a two car garage.


I normally go into dates with the mindset that I am out there to meet new people. As friends and whatever else that may happen. It makes it easier and takes the stress out of how conversations flow and how my body language is coming across.

If I’m talking to a friend I’m completely relaxed, can say anything without my voice shaking or mindlessly twisting hair. If I’m out looking for a guy to jump his bones (not the case but to make a point), the language is very different.

We finished up the date but it left me feeling a little on the self-conscious side of everything.

Please God, do not let me be a perpetual spinster!


It is not that I am overly picky, because lord knows I am so low maintenance it’s scary. This new guy, it was like he had a long list he was checking off and I don’t know maybe I just went out with him because it felt nice being wanted for a minute. Even if it lasted an hour.

I have been through the ringer in relationships (who has not) and have worked extremely hard on repairing parts of me that were damaged in one specific relationship that turned drastically bad.

The typical drill of being in what was thought to be a perfect relationship, building a future, talking about taking another big step, THE big step, and then it was over. He wasn’t ready to commit, he didn’t want children, he wanted a material lifestyle. What!?! Who was this stranger? I thought we were committed?


Shit.


Just when I was feeling confident about me, about life and getting back on course in the dating zone a little curve ball got thrown.

Last night my phone got tickled with a message from that stranger. The stranger ex. The message was brief in a cocky format: he is coming into town (how he knows I moved is beyond me) and wants to meet up.

I stared at the message on the phone and could not believe the audacity of this man. Even though time has passed I still cannot see the man I fell in (and heartbreakingly out of) love with in ANY of the words that were in that message.

I am not for sale. I am not some anonymous girl you can phone up when you are travelling.

I was pissed off.

Frustrated.

Never felt lonelier in my life frustrated and pissed off.

The message immediately got deleted without a response. How have I attracted that into my life? Nice people finish last I am beginning to believe it!

I mean, I have not heard from this guy in over a year. And he decided to reach out.

That’s too bad. I decided it was not going to work.

There is absolutely no way I will allow that toxic element into my life and turn into a wrecking ball ready to crash through the wall I have erected for safety. Yes, that wall is up for situations like these. Yes it can be broken and lowered down for the right person.

I will take your wrecking ball and eat it for lunch. Along with a full course meal, lover.


I also decided (not even going to mention the workaholic disappearing act…yikes that was a fluke!) that this bout of loneliness is over. Confidence levels are totally restored because this “quiet” time is no longer working.

I am putting myself ALL out there for new people, friends and gentleman callers.

Scratch that. A gentleman caller. Though if there are (s) you won’t hear complaints from this end.

This is not a life fulfilling prophecy on an endless search for some unrealistic outcome. That email set off detonations and made me feel not only cheap but a whole other range of emotions.

I want to be courted, to be appreciated and a whole lot more. Wanting is one thing but making it happen takes action.

So am I naturally staying the course to being a spinster, absolutely not.

I have no intention of being an old lady with cats, collecting ratty old clothes and making the rounds at Goodwill. Only to come home and sip cheap wine in a wicker chair sucking on my front teeth.


I shouldn’t be as worked up over this but I am. What does this mean?

Online dating? Ugh, I shudder at the thought but since I don’t have friends here yet is that the way to do it? I am not photogenic whatsoever!

Sporting events? Who would I go with? I already volunteer but the majority of people involved are ladies. I’ve changed up workouts so cardio days are in the evenings. I need a job to network!

Maybe god will bless me with a chance encounter with a certain tall man who just happens to drop by the city? That is a fantasy but a well played out one! But so not the case of finding Mr. Right.


Sweet Jesus that was a bitch fest and is prematurely causing wrinkles. JK. But it is causing temptations for a drink so moving on!

If I wasn’t a bigger person I would post that god awful email, but I’d like to think I’m better than that. But you know what, I’m not. So for your enjoyment, here is the snazzy piece of “junk mail” for your reading pleasures.

date Sun, Jan 2, 2011 at 9:48 PM
subject hey
mailed by msn.com
signed by msn.com

Hey, it’s been awhile. Heard you moved to Chi-town, had to run from Seattle huh? That’s okay, I’ll forgive you this time. I’m heading that way in a couple of weeks. Can you spare a few days out of your “busy” schedule for a little down time (…) with an old friend? Give me a call.

I get in on the ___ and staying at the ______, it’ll be fun.

XX

Are you fucking serious!?! Yeah I said the big bad F. Jesus will forgive it.
All good things come from experiences right? Unfortunately this was one that apparently I had to go through in order to build a backbone and speak up. At least I can turn from this and say Thank God that’s a thing in the past, Phew!

This calls for much needed coffee. Happy Monday!!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Challenge: Week 1

One down, eleven weeks to go.

The idea for this challenge at first seemed daunting. The mere thought of taking on another project to worry about, giving up certain favorites for the next few months all for easing into an age seems extremely self absorbed, shallow and stupid. The three S’s for sexified.

This week, with it being the initial start it became clear that this challenge or more so “journey” is dedicated to vitality and a healthy way of life so it’s everything opposite of the three S’s.

Like anything during the beginning, whether it be a program, a class, a relationship. Sheer optimism and excitement over the prospect of doing something new and different makes us want to push forward at a charging pace.

On Monday, I learned very quickly at the gym that the weight zone…was the club zone.

**FIST PUMP**

The gym I go to is basically a pick up joint, or a place to be seen. It’s unbelievable to see women wearing pounds of makeup and the guys blocking your view in front of the mirrors because they’re checking their pecs. Urgh!

No offense guys and dolls but I’m all about sweating like a dirty hot man, so mind the view and bugger off.

It was more than annoying to be lifting weights or doing lunges and have someone come over and stand in front bursting your personal bubble. Um, okay? By the third time I said something. The guys were back the next day for weights. There is absolutely no code of gym etiquette which caused some frustration for the strength training days (M,W,F).

By Friday, I changed the times of heading out to the gym and blocked everything out to focus on what was important.

Kicking this challenge’s ass!

I also realized that being on an elliptical in front of a mirror, just isn’t gonna fly. Thankfully there is a set of machines by a window so I plan to take up residency in a couple of weeks there, next week we’re shifting gears in cardio and spin classes are looking mighty tempting.

In starting off the week with food, the only parts that I struggled with was incorporating lunch into the meal plan and remembering to log everything down. On a daily basis, I am pretty good about keeping a structured diet (except for wine and dealing w/a raging sweet tooth). Sadly, tears were about shed when tossing the almond cake that had been baked for Christmas and then having to move a bottle of wine from the counter to a cupboard.

11 more weeks….11 more weeks!!

No matter what anyone says I am in NO WAY giving up coffee. I will fuel up on extra water and pee every three seconds so long as I can get a caffeine fix. Giving up wine is one thing, but giving up coffee is like forgetting what my name is. Forget about it!

Favorite exercises this week:
Incline barbell chest press

One-leg standing calf raise



Lesson learned this week: It might actually be okay to bitch sometimes and still stay within the perimeters of the mission statement. Can I utilize the soreness and channel it into an inner Carrie gym scene circa 1976 to shush the crazies and their tacky gym antics should it burst the bubble?

Tomorrow starts a new week, are you ready for it?