Dear Twenties....

It’s coming, time is not stopping and what has been viewed as the apocalypse for women, atleast this woman is about to happen. Here lies at the end of this month the end of a decade filled with prime experiences and the start to a fresh and new period. [Grab some coffee and pop a xanax because it’s about to get philosophical.]

Dear Twenties,

We’ve been together for a decade now and the time is approaching for us to sever our ties and move on. While we’ve been together for so long it’s going to be a difficult separation because we’ve been through a lot and thought I was comfortable with but realized that I’ve outgrown you and it’s time you live a life without me. You need to let me go.

When we first met we were breaking out of comfort zones trying to find ourselves with friends we thought were there for us but in turn were there for trips to Canada, times spent away from what was important and spent on partying and getting lost in a sea of being numb. You showed me that every day is different from the next and when the sun rises so does our soul and with that got me back on track and back in the right direction. Tossing aside hard parties, bad boys and reeled in history books and college applications for a place that will always be home. A place that you knew was as much a part of me as the hair on my head.

While at university we moved away for the first time and knew we could do it. We could find, have and really know what it meant to experience fun. We met friends that became family and opened new doors to seeing the world through clear eyes. We traveled the world and discovered that life is more than a grey cubicle and can be anything we really and truly want.

The last few years have passed by with the blink of an eye but have been nothing short of noteworthy. We’ve seen births, deaths, engagements and divorces. We’ve had surprises that have turned into letdowns but ultimately they’ve told us everything we need to know, we weren’t ready for what is about to come. Moves have brought us strength, breakups have brought us independence and a search for nothing perfect but something comfortable and fitting.

We’ve accomplished a lot more than what could have been expected and I am thankful for your support but I must leave you now in order to move forward. No I’m not going to start wearing mumus and get gray hairs and if I do I have a colorist who can fix that snarky little problem in no time. It’s time for a change and that time is now. So I’m going to walk away and not look back, because it’s for the best for both of us. I love you and will never forget you. Thank you for all of the memories.

Morgan

In twenty nine days I will be leaving my twenties behind and heading into the big bright shining star that is the big THREE OH.

Is there anything that I can’t do that hasn’t been done during the past ten years? Apart from getting drunk in school girl uniforms, cage dancing, random encounters with Scottish futbol players, international travel, and a whole lot of moves sandwiched in between? I’d like to think not.

The years have mostly been filled with moments of self discovery and exploring different extremes to see what paths they lead to. They have taken me to such locations I’d never dreamed about had I not dared to believe and trust what could be.

It has been a period for growing up, a phase for maturing. Of course growing up I had created visions of what things would look like, how they could turn and needless to say. Those were only pipe dreams, fun to have in memory but reality hits.

After putting off university because a party personality had taken over and having to explain to patients while checking them in that getting a tongue piercing was ‘the thing to do’ I made the wisest decision of my life. Grow up and get a damn education.

When you catch yourself looking around second guessing if you’re ever going to be something rather than a medical receptionist working 14 hour days it’s time to make a decision. University was just that, I stopped partying. Took out the tongue ring, but got another tattoo to replace it and enrolled in extra classes at the local community college. I tossed out the party girl and never looked back. Which lead to endless opportunities and countless prospects.

In giving thanks, Thank you for the countless times hairstyles and clothes got tossed through the air like candy wrappers. For the cautious reminders that mixed drinks are not a viable option on nights out but shots of tequila will go down like water. For the many men that have come and gone and taught me things that I probably don’t need to know but am certainly glad I do know because there is a reason they’re still not hanging around.

Mostly, thank you for the 3,652 days that have been filled with ups and down, sunshine and snow and experiences that I would never trade nor regret for this lifetime or the next.

It has taken twenty nine years and 336 days to finally get over the anxiety when that should have been replaced with a little excitement or at least eased with some expensive champagne. I can’t help but think that turning 30 is basically like turning twenty all over again. It’s a new time only this time I’m looking at this through clearer eyes that are steady and unafraid. There’s more anticipation to see what can happen and how I can make it happen.

Birthdays have never been a big deal and I don’t plan to change that up this year, but I will go into this new period without any expectations. Without creating an elaborate vision of what could be and just experience it for what it is and keep doing things that bring a smile to the face. I’m opening my mind and heart to this new time and think it couldn’t have been a better time to turn into this new age.

Coffee and kegels….or did you mean creamer?

There is an unwritten rule about what women talk about when several are gathered together and how loud or quiet for that matter our voices travel. The women’s toilets are the prime location for getting gossip. It goes the same for men say in the locker rooms or on the basketball court. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

My friend, whom is out conquering the fashion world has asked everyone close to her for a little help with her boutique. While she’s out doing her thing, myself along with a bunch of others have been volunteering time keeping the doors open trying to channel the inner salesperson within. To sell things because that is what shops are in business for.

But in all honesty, the time basically becomes Chatty Katty time the minute a patron leaves the storefront. I love it.

Love it so much that I keep going back for seconds, thirds, fourths….

I have no Drama.

Everyone that comes in has soap opera digest worthy drama.

So to make a day that much more interesting, I’ll stick around for a few extra minutes if someone starts talking to me. Because it’s hilarious to see these people getting frustrated over something ridiculously simple. Just say no folks, it’s that simple. And stop buying the Prada(Target and NYC, we’re still having an affair don’t you worry)!

You’re in a store with a bunch of clothes.

Um, I may be blonde but I’m not stupid. Let’s introduce the word association for the day. Networking.

(Note that this is nothing on blondes either just the bland stereotype that has been branded upon us and is fully embraced)

During one of my many “shifts” if you will, I was sitting on the couch with three other women chatting it up in between customers when we got on the subject of thighs. How it got there, don’t ask because I cannot even answer this one.

Not your average change in topics from jewelry but I’ll go with it, because this is the land of crazytown and obsessive personalities and general good times.
One of the women started giving me tips on how to thin out your thighs using a yoga block, which I’d never really consider walking around my house with one in between my legs but everything deserves a shot for consideration.

While she was trying to explain holding the block in place, and while we were sipping coffee (not wine or any liquor) she said excitedly, “It’s like working your kegels!”

Come again?

Did you just say like working my kegels? Oh yes, she really did say like working the kegels.

I died right there and can only thank god that there weren’t other people in the store because I have a hearty laugh and nothing could hold it back. The other girl working didn’t even laugh, she was paying more attention to her text messages than the conversation. Clearly she has no idea about her own sexuality. What in the hell!?! One mention of anything sinful and my ears perk up. It’s horrible, you’d think I was a man!

I started laughing hysterically and while sipping the last drops of my Americano I got the full jist of losing mere inches off of the inner thighs without hours of pilates. Without inner leg lifts. Without those wretched crab kicks. But with none other than a yoga block and my damn kegel muscles.

Thanks to that conversation, instead of thinking about certain activities and fluttering muscles I’m now thinking about my damn thighs and snapping those bad boys into narrow shape.

Embarrassingly I will admit this, because this is just words of nothingness and you can't see me blushing nor I can see you busting out the checkbook to see if you can add $14 into the weekly budget.

I’m going to try it out and test her theory. I’ll walk around my house like an idiot flexing the kegels fantasizing about thinner inner thighs instead of broad shouldered men and post an update in one month. Because that is what’s up.

Kegeltastic.

Per our lovely friends at Wikipedia, there are several positive forms of kegel exercises that benefit women and men. For example:

Did you know (this is TMI but who cares) kegels can help men achieve a stronger you know what when in the heat of things and gain greater control of losing the steam. Makes sense right.

For women, this is simple. It’s to gain control of our loosened pelvic muscles due to pregnancy and childbirth, obesity and aging.

Now for both, it can be great form of re-gaining control of an overactive bladder.

Can’t hold it for another five minutes to the train stop? Start flexing those muscles and building up some stamina.

So there you have it, a little laugh and a little knowledge on this fine day.

Hand Screened

Today I don’t have anything to really clean the closet out about so I guess that’s technically a good thing. But for good reading purposes, this epic dramathon can keep anyone company during this stretch of cabin fever.

Last night the clouds closed up shop and decided it was THE night for god only knows how much snow (somewhere around 20+inches). They made a very clear declaration to the land that I now call home and said this,

“Chicago it’s time that you got hit with this thing we like to call a natural apocalypse so we’re giving you a blizzard!”

…what a bummer I was wishing for the DQ too. Dairy Queen is closed for t minus 3 more months! (THANK GOD for Red Mango, where would a girl be without a little froyo??)

Stuck indoors, what do you do?

Skype with everyone you know? Check

Do a facial mask because let’s face it…this cold weather is chappin’ it up. Double Check

Watch a commercial that probably isn’t as funny but it really is deliciously enjoyable and with naughty intent. Oooh, yes please how did you ever know!

So for viewing pleasure, and if I was anywhere close to being an Executive I’d be checking out TheLadders.com for a little jobby placing like nobody’s business! They have the tools and guides to make us irresistable…but in what nature?



I really want to say the girl sliding across the piano and fluffing her hair is my fav but who am I kidding. The guy sliding and crawling back across the table totally takes me back to Little Miss Sunshine. Rawr!

Happy Hump Day to you!

It’s time to do the laundry

I’m following suit with the theme for today at For the Love of Blogs by cleaning out your closet. Though I already use this blog as a way to vent my way through daily fixtures I am going to do this a little differently by staying with a good outlook on why I am airing this laundry out so to speak.

While I could completely lose it and vent about my intense fear over the past year and a half and that seems to still be happening I’m not doing that because that is reality and it’s a work in progress in kicking that to the curb.
This cleaning out the closet is something else entirely.

I am turning thirty in a month in a half and I am beginning to freak out, it’s more than anxiety and I can’t even believe that this is something rushing through my thoughts.

When I was younger and running around with friends we always used to pretend our Barbie’s were us, on our wedding days, out on dates, dressing up, etc. We would make to do lists or wish lists of everything that we hoped and dreamed for:

XX picking us up after football practice
Marrying a college sweetheart
Buying a house and filling it up with lots of little babies by twenty something
Being a stay at home mom to raise those babies
Becoming a bonafide beach bum

My wish list was very long and now as I am approaching this tender age my list has several tick marks, but there are also several gaps where I have moved on and tried alternative routes. I have veered from the dotted lines.



The list really should not hold such heavy importance over my head but secretly it does, I feel the weight of not only the words but also of my family and the way everyone has followed a certain path in living their lives and where I strayed.

When they turned 22 the majority got married, I was rushing out to San Francisco to pursue a degree in film. They turned 24 and were buying houses I was jet-setting around Europe trying to find me exploring the unknown, and tasting as much gelato as possible. At thirty they all had children or were pregnant. This is where I start to feel the anxiety.

My biological timeclock is ticking like mad and while I have never really been bothered by the differences between my life than with my family or friends around this is where I falter. I am turning thirty and I still have not reached their levels. I am still searching for levels of my own to reach, to build on, to love and appreciate. To experience.

I love and value everything that I have gone through and as these days at turning into a new period in life is different from those around me I have to stop and think my life is just as great as the next person. Different but equally as incredible.

That wish list was written when I was a youngster with a mind stuck in bubble gum clouds never having to deal with the realities of everyday life but it still stuck with me up until this day.

I have gotten this far and think that maybe my wish list was a little premature, maybe I wasn’t ready for other certain things to happen exactly how they were written. Who knows, all I know is that everyone is different, we all live different lives and I am okay with where I am at today.

Okay, but still think it’s unnerving to say that in so many weeks I am going to be turning into an ancient woman. Thankfully I will be an extremely happy ancient woman that has and will continue to accomplish a lot.