Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Monday, February 20, 2012
Scorned much
Never one am I to sit and bawl my eyes out for an extended amount of time. Given the specific occasion and amount of Xanax, it’s all under control… I cry, mull whatever needs to be mulled over and move on for bigger and better things. The talk of men is a constant topic of conversation because I am single and mingle more than I care to admit. Dating is a natural part of my life right now. It may get run to the ground or laughed to high hell in conversations, but the stories of so many jackass (s) guys are others’ way of living through my embarrassment. Or laughter … we don’t have to put it down too harshly today!
As much as we want to not open up about things in fear of a jinx, it happened; I started talking with someone. We had been talking for a while as friends and right in the middle of phone calls and ongoing text messages, a little bit of warmth cradled my icy heart. Not so much icy, but more of a detoxed and oh-so-chilled heart indeed. With the way things were progressing with this person, it was easy to get ahead of myself. I mean, for someone who is calling you on Christmas, throughout your day, calling at an ungodly hour because they feel like hell and just want to hear you talk. How could you not?
I got ahead of myself. A phrase in the back of my mind that always stays there regardless of the optimism, ‘He’s just not that into you’ was silenced with this one. Despite his annoying antics of going missing for a few days, a week or whatever without a peep. Excuses flew out of my mouth with those absences, defending his time as busy. I got ahead of myself big-time. This guy had gone on the typical ‘hectic week, so you won’t hear from me’ lapses. I called, nothing. Text; again with the no responses. It seemed odd because before he would pick up quickly, but something wasn’t right for those attempts. When I saw a random picture and posting on Facebook, I knew that he was at least alive so I decided enough was enough. I’d give the guy a month, a month of me doing absolutely nothing to reach out to him in order to know where I stood and then delete him from everything if I didn’t hear a sound. Maybelline says I’m worth it, so it must be true.
A few drinks later and a surge of liquid confidence fueling me, I cracked a few weeks in, calling him and got nowhere yet again. Pushing aside that I can typically take the hint of when to let go, but with him it was different—or so I thought. Finally after coming to grips that this was all for nothing and a waste of time, I deleted every form of contact with him, bawled my eyes out and sent a final text before removing his phone number for good. We all need some kind of closure, I mean, I may have gotten ahead of myself yes; with him it was easy to do. It wasn’t some pining and crazy message, but more of a simple way to saying goodbye. It’s the girl in me and the good soul who hates doing wrong by someone even if I didn’t do anything at all.
Come to find out that on the day of romance, Valentine’s Day of all days … I was duped. Played by the master manipulator.
That
guy, had been talking to multiple ladies—and I was one of them. Some unknown devil prodded me, and I can’t believe I’m admitting to looking at his profile, but I did. Shameful, I know—it was not my finest hour. As it turns out, another scorned lady pulled a Glenn Close
on him and posted something that resonated deep. The same words I considered saying in a cryptic text, but am far too nice to say aloud. Surprise, surprise right? Deep down another bad boy that tried to appear as one of the good ones. Oddly, I’m not even bothered. What goes around comes around ten-fold. I know and believe this with every ounce of my body. He was another unwanted pick in the litter and is going straight to the trash. And that is okay.
So then where does this take me? Back to the drawing board, and on to the prospect of meeting someone new. It’s a highly laughable situation, and God only knows why I keep putting myself through some of these dating triangles, but with utmost certainty—this guy completely pulled me in and I, like many, fell for the kill. Despite all of the bullshit whether it be good or insane we go through with the excitement, the lust and definitely the heartache… it’s still a battlefield to tread lightly over until you’ve found a good and very safe ground. Tired of meddling, but still living each day with a take no prisoners mentality … this was merely one more experience to take in. One more guy to avoid. So until the next one rolls around, I’m dabbing on the glittery eye shadow and keeping on … keeping on.
Love is a battlefield, I certainly guess so. Thanks Pat Benatar for reminding me!
Monday, September 19, 2011
How I met your husband….
I am in a dating detox. For another forty five days I am getting back to the basics by listening and taking action in contrast to my heart. From one Romeo to the next, it has been a tumultuous ride over the course of almost ten months. And in that amount of time—it has become a period to shun your eyes, drink a bottle of wine and take a long hot bath. Or laugh and thank god you are living a life different from this.
I met a man, this man was outrageously funny and enthusiastic. He was cute, but also only available at certain times that always seemed to be the same. Strike the Red Flag immediately. It turned out, and I found out almost two months in of talking and going out, that he was married. We were ‘flinging.’
As in fully married, probably father of year and oh so very attached.
How does this happen?
One would think this was the Maury Povich year up in my neck of the woods, but honest to god I did not expect him to be, let alone think I could ever partake in such a predicament.
Well I did, and it happened. It was an affair and so because of that, I am in a dating detox.
At first I was only going to take thirty days to clear my mind, body and soul but realized that this one—like a shot of Jack Daniels, burned all of the way down. I still hurt from the betrayal of someone I was beginning to like, and so for that I decided on taking a full sixty days to recoup. To relax and get my groove back.
Of course, this is when I start to pay extra close attention to what has been lacking over the past few months. From workouts to dressing up I have been taking it way too easy lately, because I was excited that for a change someone was thinking about me. Calling to check in and see how my day was, coming over. I felt attached, how silly and obtuse as that notion may be now, considering the fact that the guy was already attached--but that is all changing. I’ve been re-reading books to gain lost confidence, meditating in order to clear the clutter in my mind and working out to sweat off the softer parts of my body that could be trimmed down.
What is it about the dating process that is so difficult to some, and so easy for others. I have covered this topic one too many times over, but it seems to be reoccurring which makes me believe the problem lies within me. Am I trying too hard in capturing this one guy out there? Have I romanticized too much, or is it really possible?
It’s possible, so I’m taking the time to kick back and find the beauty deep down my single woman’s body. I was talking to multiple friends over the past several days who all keep quiet but say the words that they think I want to hear. Words that I don’t want to hear because it’s repetitive and I’m simply tired of hearing them one day after the next.
For the next forty five days, it’s my turn to be a selfish bitch. To shop when I want to shop. Read Cosmo or Jane Austen, whatever my brain is craving.To detox my body and kick the angst out through kickboxing and circuit training. To drink all the coffee I want and slink away into the city for as many hours of my liking for whatever reason. To plan unnecessary trips just to get away, because I can.
In the first set of the detox, I cleaned up my telephone, email and threw out little notes that had been left behind. I re-started saying three things I am most thankful for at the end of each day, and also envisioned ways of changing a day around in my mind had anything gone differently as expected. A workout regime was re-activated and a health plan was put back into place. The next stage is inner and outer beauty-for this I’m working on the entire forty five days on. From my approach to people and personal demeanor to changing up a wardrobe and sprucing up to accent not only my body but my personality. Enter new dresses and platform heels, flip flops to the back.
The detox is about reclaiming what we lose, when we are in that search for the Prince Charming (s) of the world. That endless and silly search. But no more, this time I am serious about it taking the time and letting go. I’m not saying the search is over for a lifetime but for now, it’s not about a search but about connecting with myself on a higher level and letting all of the other business move to the side.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Whoops, I didn't see you there
Just three months ago, at the start of a new year we all make resolutions with utmost sincerity. Something to steer clear of and others to aim for. Putting the gym off seemed so much easier but putting dating off, that didn’t seem to happen even despite the rough cycle that is melting like a 7-Eleven slushee.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, the first quarter of the year has turned into speed dating 101. Normally I’d be getting huffy over the failed resolution but it’s actually been a little on the fun and highly educational side, if a little adventurous being tossed into the mix as well.
There’s been quite a few nights out that have taken me out of the typical comfort zone, given the chance of exploring a new area,skating falling in the heart of a park and sitting in a restaurant until almost three in the morning.
Some have been fun, awkward, friendship building; all of them have definitely been entertaining.
I’ve come to grips with the fact that this is the era where rather than a simple phone conversation has been replaced with a miniature text message. This still baffles me and like a natural, I rebel against this and because of that am still going back and forth with new picks of the litter.
Way back when there was a wakeup call with crazy hair, rumpled sheets and an empty house. That man, well he came back into the picture. Ever so slightly and definitely on a random chance encounter.
A couple of weeks ago my phone rang, while I was in the midst of the sending out umpteen resumes a day mode I answered automatically thinking the call would be a prospective employer.
It was the disappearing act. Calling months later, his number had been deleted and I honestly had no clue who was calling let alone had to have him repeat his name in order for it to register.
It registered with a foot in mouth statement that could only have come from yours truly.
Disappearing Act:….a whole lotta deep breaths and almost sputtering of words (I laughed because it sounded like a train wreck via telephone)
Me: ___ who? (this asked twice) Oh yeah, the disappearing act, I take it your meeting ran long and now you want a little mid morning snack. (sarcasm and me do not go hand in hand)
Disappearing Act: mumbling, a few curses and a whole lot of explaining.
We talked, I laughed him off and figured nothing of it until a happy hour rolled around that I had without thinking mentioned on the telephone when we spoke. Who none other than this man, the disappearing act shows up at the bar. Dressed to impress.
I was not impressed, surprised but not impressed. Maybe a little but he was still the DA in the back of my mind. He sat down with my group and within a short while we both moved away from everyone and sat in a different part of the bar.
Needless to say, it’s been a couple of weeks and I may not be speed dating but I have seen the DA more times than I care to admit.
He’s worth with a few laughs, a man of the minute, someone that will be if anything a distant memory. I am not serious about this man nor do I have any illusions due to a few ‘trust’ issues considering the track record but either way it’s safe to say that grooves are easy to get back and reclaim so long as you go in with an open mind and zero expectations.
Seeing this man, the DA, makes me remember exactly what I want and what I will not settle for. Which is kind of a double standard considering the fact that I’ve seen him after the whole debacle but he’s not the only person I’ll talk to and I can walk away from him whenever I want, this is not exclusive it is just what it is.
Passing time until I find whatever it is that is exactly right.
A relationship with a man in which a nickname or a number isn’t created for and who’s name can be remembered without having it repeated three times, but wait, remembering names isn't a strongpoint so maybe a nickname really is okay.
Until the next episode of the misadventures of the single life....
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, the first quarter of the year has turned into speed dating 101. Normally I’d be getting huffy over the failed resolution but it’s actually been a little on the fun and highly educational side, if a little adventurous being tossed into the mix as well.
There’s been quite a few nights out that have taken me out of the typical comfort zone, given the chance of exploring a new area,
Some have been fun, awkward, friendship building; all of them have definitely been entertaining.
I’ve come to grips with the fact that this is the era where rather than a simple phone conversation has been replaced with a miniature text message. This still baffles me and like a natural, I rebel against this and because of that am still going back and forth with new picks of the litter.
Way back when there was a wakeup call with crazy hair, rumpled sheets and an empty house. That man, well he came back into the picture. Ever so slightly and definitely on a random chance encounter.
A couple of weeks ago my phone rang, while I was in the midst of the sending out umpteen resumes a day mode I answered automatically thinking the call would be a prospective employer.
It was the disappearing act. Calling months later, his number had been deleted and I honestly had no clue who was calling let alone had to have him repeat his name in order for it to register.
It registered with a foot in mouth statement that could only have come from yours truly.
Disappearing Act:….a whole lotta deep breaths and almost sputtering of words (I laughed because it sounded like a train wreck via telephone)
Me: ___ who? (this asked twice) Oh yeah, the disappearing act, I take it your meeting ran long and now you want a little mid morning snack. (sarcasm and me do not go hand in hand)
Disappearing Act: mumbling, a few curses and a whole lot of explaining.
We talked, I laughed him off and figured nothing of it until a happy hour rolled around that I had without thinking mentioned on the telephone when we spoke. Who none other than this man, the disappearing act shows up at the bar. Dressed to impress.
I was not impressed, surprised but not impressed. Maybe a little but he was still the DA in the back of my mind. He sat down with my group and within a short while we both moved away from everyone and sat in a different part of the bar.
Needless to say, it’s been a couple of weeks and I may not be speed dating but I have seen the DA more times than I care to admit.
He’s worth with a few laughs, a man of the minute, someone that will be if anything a distant memory. I am not serious about this man nor do I have any illusions due to a few ‘trust’ issues considering the track record but either way it’s safe to say that grooves are easy to get back and reclaim so long as you go in with an open mind and zero expectations.
Seeing this man, the DA, makes me remember exactly what I want and what I will not settle for. Which is kind of a double standard considering the fact that I’ve seen him after the whole debacle but he’s not the only person I’ll talk to and I can walk away from him whenever I want, this is not exclusive it is just what it is.
Passing time until I find whatever it is that is exactly right.
A relationship with a man in which a nickname or a number isn’t created for and who’s name can be remembered without having it repeated three times, but wait, remembering names isn't a strongpoint so maybe a nickname really is okay.
Until the next episode of the misadventures of the single life....
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Texting Version 2.0
For the past month I have been going very slow with a new man and I cannot even stress how difficult this is. The track record is spotty so slow is a must. We started through emails with small banter that transitioned into exchanging telephone numbers. Just as the snowstorm hit, he started to send funny little text messages and we went back and forth with little laughs here and there. Nothing serious, nothing overly long and drawn out. I figured he was nervous about making a phone call and I certainly was not going to initiate. He sought me out.
He called and we talked for ages. He was funny, cute, we talked about everything and the conversation was comfortable for the most part. Afterward he sent a follow up text later that same evening and then again a couple of days later. I know with Valentine’s Day it is bound to make many men skittish and I added this into account as for the timing of beginning to talking on the phone.
It had been a week and nothing. No phones, no texts, no messages. Strange really because we talked daily, several times per day and to go from that to nothing caused a little unease to creep up and self doubt to take up residence yet again for a brief moment.
I tried not to be over-analytical. Kept busy by going out with friends, volunteering, but of course by the end of the night my eyes are checking out the phone. Looking to see if the red light is blinking indicating a new message or missed call.
By the end of a week of hearing nothing it made me consider my actions and I turned to my ‘consultants’ for some advice. My sister and brother in law have kept me grounded as far as men are concerned and stood by watching the wild boyfriend rollercoaster that I have been operating. They are the people that when you turn away from a disappearing act will tell you the exact moves that got you there and how to snap back into shape to avoid that business in the future.
Bless it because it’s good but it’s a real pain in the neck. Finally getting through our little video conferencing session I walked away with this.
Never put all eggs into one basket (common sense but sometimes we are blind)
Texting is lazy and this guy is probably shy. He wouldn’t have called and spoken for a length of time if he wasn’t interested and then text back later that same night. Consultant number 2 (brother in law)agreed on sending an email, not a text or a phone call after Valentine’s Day to say hi and see how he is. To quote him:“Valentine’s Day is intimidating ‘diki’ put yourself out there one more time and then wash your hands clean if he opts out.”
So this is what I did. I sent him a note and a day later received a text message that was a catch up of sorts. He had been texting but wasn't sure if I had been receiving any messages.
Positive: he responded. Interesting part and the part I don't understand. Though we are living in a very fast paced time why should it be so difficult to pick up a telephone if you don’t think messages are going through? Clearly I will answer but now I am reconsidering. I text him back something brief but said I was out with friends which was true and if he could call later. Receiving nothing back.
Whether or not our conversations were to ever lead into anything apart from what it is at now, time will only tell but this much I do know. Texting is an easy cop out. It takes more time to text message someone than it does to pick up a phone and say hello.
Yes I agree that it’s nice to see a little light flashing on my phone with a fun message but because this is so new in terms of talking to a new man I’d much rather have face to face contact that communicating through so many characters on an electronic device. Seems fair and reasonable.
Is this demanding? Does this make me a mega wattage high maintenance bitch. Absolutely not. It’s simple. Maybe this man is shy, maybe he’s taking it slower as well. For this I’ll go at his pace but am in no way shutting out the idea of meeting other new people. We're only 'talking.'
This is just a bump in the road and another check mark to be that much more aware of because I stopped that little piece of me for a week and was filled with a dip in doubt, but no more!
I’m purely a simple woman on a mission to living life with the heart on her sleeve and the happiness in her eyes.
He called and we talked for ages. He was funny, cute, we talked about everything and the conversation was comfortable for the most part. Afterward he sent a follow up text later that same evening and then again a couple of days later. I know with Valentine’s Day it is bound to make many men skittish and I added this into account as for the timing of beginning to talking on the phone.
It had been a week and nothing. No phones, no texts, no messages. Strange really because we talked daily, several times per day and to go from that to nothing caused a little unease to creep up and self doubt to take up residence yet again for a brief moment.
I tried not to be over-analytical. Kept busy by going out with friends, volunteering, but of course by the end of the night my eyes are checking out the phone. Looking to see if the red light is blinking indicating a new message or missed call.
By the end of a week of hearing nothing it made me consider my actions and I turned to my ‘consultants’ for some advice. My sister and brother in law have kept me grounded as far as men are concerned and stood by watching the wild boyfriend rollercoaster that I have been operating. They are the people that when you turn away from a disappearing act will tell you the exact moves that got you there and how to snap back into shape to avoid that business in the future.
Bless it because it’s good but it’s a real pain in the neck. Finally getting through our little video conferencing session I walked away with this.
Never put all eggs into one basket (common sense but sometimes we are blind)
Texting is lazy and this guy is probably shy. He wouldn’t have called and spoken for a length of time if he wasn’t interested and then text back later that same night. Consultant number 2 (brother in law)agreed on sending an email, not a text or a phone call after Valentine’s Day to say hi and see how he is. To quote him:“Valentine’s Day is intimidating ‘diki’ put yourself out there one more time and then wash your hands clean if he opts out.”
So this is what I did. I sent him a note and a day later received a text message that was a catch up of sorts. He had been texting but wasn't sure if I had been receiving any messages.
Positive: he responded. Interesting part and the part I don't understand. Though we are living in a very fast paced time why should it be so difficult to pick up a telephone if you don’t think messages are going through? Clearly I will answer but now I am reconsidering. I text him back something brief but said I was out with friends which was true and if he could call later. Receiving nothing back.
Whether or not our conversations were to ever lead into anything apart from what it is at now, time will only tell but this much I do know. Texting is an easy cop out. It takes more time to text message someone than it does to pick up a phone and say hello.
Yes I agree that it’s nice to see a little light flashing on my phone with a fun message but because this is so new in terms of talking to a new man I’d much rather have face to face contact that communicating through so many characters on an electronic device. Seems fair and reasonable.
Is this demanding? Does this make me a mega wattage high maintenance bitch. Absolutely not. It’s simple. Maybe this man is shy, maybe he’s taking it slower as well. For this I’ll go at his pace but am in no way shutting out the idea of meeting other new people. We're only 'talking.'
This is just a bump in the road and another check mark to be that much more aware of because I stopped that little piece of me for a week and was filled with a dip in doubt, but no more!
I’m purely a simple woman on a mission to living life with the heart on her sleeve and the happiness in her eyes.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Realizing there is a type and deciding to say goodbye to it
As I am going through this process of getting back into the dating scene to establish a new part of my life I am feeling a little less inspired. Almost to the point that I am putting too much effort into something and potentially pushing it away at a rapid pace as opposed to attracting it into my life.
This foreign lack of confidence is merely stemming off of feeling like I missed something, a step maybe or a movement of one’s body. Over the weekend I ended up meeting up with Romeo #994 and while we enjoyed ourselves for a light evening out, it wasn’t until the end that I found the true intentions.
It’s natural to look out for warning signs, to be aware of our surroundings, postures, gestures, the statements that could possibly deter from what the expected initially was. I did not see this coming and am in absolute denial, and yet.
As hard as I would like to deny that I don’t gravitate to a specific type of man, that is a lie. This man was close to the molding, and when he asked to walk me back to my car not for the slightest moment did I think anything badly. The date, this date was merely only a condition for going home with him of which I declined. When he asked the question, I felt depleted as if I had done something terribly wrong.
With him but more so within myself.
Where are these troubles coming from? I am a decent person living out a very healthy and balanced daily life and yet there are uncertainties that are draining me of being truly happy. Driving back to my flat I replayed all of our conversations, analyzed the dates. And this is when I finally understood. It's me.
I am making me unhappy and am not giving everything I can to something. Somewhere deep down I am telling myself that I am not good enough for someone else’s love or affection and that is being exposed to the people around me. Therefore it is attracting this type of behavior, the short term that I have accepted in the past but refuse to accept now. Because it’s not worth it. Because I am good enough.
I am sure there is more to this man and I am not seeing or am not supposed to see because we are not fitting together at this exact point in time. Since our date I haven’t heard from him nor have I tried to reach out as I don’t really know if that’s my place. I like him but I don’t want to be viewed as a take home kind of woman. There is a positive out of this, I am thankful for getting excited about him and dancing around my flat because that keeps the spark alive knowing the bubble of something great is still inside of me.
Does this call for an emotional detox to re-evaluate and get back into that frame of mind in order to attract others that are like-minded? A certain favorite reality TV bombshell says yes.
I wouldn’t like to think that this step is necessary because I feel fine, I don’t feel completely drained but more like I have let myself down in an area that I can’t seem to climb to the top yet. It’s the Mt. Everest of my life right now.
It is unhealthy to have this sort of hang-up looming over my head for reasons known but unsure of. I still believe that things happen naturally and my emotions are certainly part of this so I must take a moment to really get back into that place where there is real confidence and an immense value on true happiness in everything that I am a part of.
The adventures of dating that completely take us by surprise but ultimately are an informal way of making us look at ourselves from outside of the box.
Enough for now, I’m done with this box of chocolates it’s making for a sugary lipstick.
Monday, January 17, 2011
*Wink* I think you’re kinda cute, want to get some coffee?
Tonight is date night with Romeo # 994, and marks the second date since getting started on this friendture. Romeo #995-yowza he was sleaze to the heaping core! Sex please, ugh not after one date where there was very little active conversations.
While I was putting together the playlist for this week, I had been instant messaging with a Romeo #994, which lets back this up.
Romeo #994, he’s an alright guy through the emails. Over the weekend we exchanged numbers and talked on the phone briefly. Despite not being a phone person, I like to at least know how the other person is going to sound. It needs to be more personal than emails. His voice, is deep and he has a rich laugh.
Our conversation lasted for longer than the typical. I am intrigued by Romeo #994 and am curious how tonight is going to go.
I’m not overanalyzing anything or getting hyped by this but it’s nice to be sitting here at home knowing that I am getting out on a school night. For coffee and a walk in the snow. To meet a boy.
I’m off to slink my body into the bath and get some relaxation in and god willing am putting that playlist on while I get ready. Who needs the gym when you’ve got fun music and enough space to dance around in your house!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
My manfriend is a just a click away (along with 995 others!)
It is official, I have signed up for an online dating service. Okay, not just now but a week ago after the whole incident that seemed to wreak like month old garbage.
After hearing countless people say the same things over the past few months and then sitting down with the housewives sorority the other night. I decided I’m going to get serious about dating and stop mocking this process.
Last year was a complete fluke in character and I will admit that I was no prude and fully partook in the spinster lifestyle. When you’re working with a hot surgeon and around firefighters in the parks (if you've got a FF in your family it's instant success), um yes you would too!
It’s true, my methods have not been working so why not try something a little different. Even if it isn’t all that natural and purely electronic. My mind is thinking of something else entirely. Dirty minds, yours was too!
Since meeting new people randomly out and about getting coffee, in the gym (hmm) or out at a park or walking path I have noticed that these little meetings have only lead to little meetings.
Random dates, one night only dates. Of course some of them have turned into something else, a few scattered dates but nothing that pulls you directly where you are super amped and giddy.
Keeping a positive frame of mind, not allowing silly insecurities (its online Morgs, ONLINE, you don’t see these guys) I’m pushing the balls to the wall and going to get my outgoing self online.
Ugh, I shudder but….STAYING POSITIVE!
Lots of people meet online, I have friends who are married from meeting online or are living together. Why am I making this such a big deal?
Because for some reason I feel like I’m pushing bad karma into the universe by not having faith in what’s out there. This is the free spirit in me talking, and sometimes I want to wrap a scarf around that bohemian mentality and say shut the hell up and go sip on some tea in the grass!
I’m not bohemian, far from if I’m having wine nights with the ladies. But they got me thinking about my whole approach.
I’m not looking for a soul mate. I’m looking for Mr. Right Now, Mr. I can call you when I want to, Mr. you can call me when you want to (and I will answer WHEN I want to), Mr. You are too cute for words right now.
This is about meeting people, so that is how I’m going to go about it.
Networking and if there's more involved, right on. Only minus the spinster bit because that is seriously so 2010!
Anyways, I’m off to go and collect some coffee and head out for a walk along the river...and venture online.
What's your take on online dating. Positives, negatives? The dirrty dirrty and the greatness? Would you do it or have you done it?
After hearing countless people say the same things over the past few months and then sitting down with the housewives sorority the other night. I decided I’m going to get serious about dating and stop mocking this process.
Last year was a complete fluke in character and I will admit that I was no prude and fully partook in the spinster lifestyle. When you’re working with a hot surgeon and around firefighters in the parks (if you've got a FF in your family it's instant success), um yes you would too!
It’s true, my methods have not been working so why not try something a little different. Even if it isn’t all that natural and purely electronic. My mind is thinking of something else entirely. Dirty minds, yours was too!
Since meeting new people randomly out and about getting coffee, in the gym (hmm) or out at a park or walking path I have noticed that these little meetings have only lead to little meetings.
Random dates, one night only dates. Of course some of them have turned into something else, a few scattered dates but nothing that pulls you directly where you are super amped and giddy.
Keeping a positive frame of mind, not allowing silly insecurities (its online Morgs, ONLINE, you don’t see these guys) I’m pushing the balls to the wall and going to get my outgoing self online.
Ugh, I shudder but….STAYING POSITIVE!
Lots of people meet online, I have friends who are married from meeting online or are living together. Why am I making this such a big deal?
Because for some reason I feel like I’m pushing bad karma into the universe by not having faith in what’s out there. This is the free spirit in me talking, and sometimes I want to wrap a scarf around that bohemian mentality and say shut the hell up and go sip on some tea in the grass!
I’m not bohemian, far from if I’m having wine nights with the ladies. But they got me thinking about my whole approach.
I’m not looking for a soul mate. I’m looking for Mr. Right Now, Mr. I can call you when I want to, Mr. you can call me when you want to (and I will answer WHEN I want to), Mr. You are too cute for words right now.
This is about meeting people, so that is how I’m going to go about it.
Networking and if there's more involved, right on. Only minus the spinster bit because that is seriously so 2010!
Anyways, I’m off to go and collect some coffee and head out for a walk along the river...and venture online.
What's your take on online dating. Positives, negatives? The dirrty dirrty and the greatness? Would you do it or have you done it?
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Little things that make a smile contagious
With everything that has been taking place over the course of this week thus far, I was in need of some serious therapy. Whether that be going out for a walk to clear my mind and meditate or actually (gasp) do something out of the ordinary and treat myself to a much needed reward.
A reward sounds absurd but, for the sake of today, this week and everything else that is what I’m going with.
I phoned up my aesthetician and decided that it was time for a follow up appointment. If anything, I can at least make myself feel somewhat attractive and desirable despite whatever else is going on right?
Right.
So I’m in her little office, filled with the serenity of the quiet and candle filled calm. The light sounds of music playing in the background. And for the entire hour got lost in conversation with my Bulgarian aesthetician.
I got the full rundown of her adventures in the Virgin Islands and spending an entire day in a police station because of a bizarre taxi accident, she asked how I was doing with meeting people and whether I flew back for the holidays and then we got to talking about dating.
Because this is on my brain and obviously hers as well.
The longer we talked, the more I couldn’t scrap the thought that her issue with her ex-husband completely mirrored the issue with the stranger ex. It was all too surreal and of course I told her this but it made me really think about how the universe works.
Sometimes, and this is a stretch. But sometimes I think that there are certain things that we manifest in thought and is brought right in front of us for the taking.
Take this appointment for example. I do not know this woman outside of her being a certified professional and yet she and I both are experiencing almost identical dilemmas and we were in her small office together for an entire hour.
Universe or not, you can’t deny the inner workings here.
Walking out of the appointment, I felt rejuvenated and as crazy as this sounds. More like myself. For the past few months I have waivered from feeling okay to saying I feel okay and not really allowing the reality to register that there was ever a faltering in my emotions.
Today, sitting with my Bulgarian lady something snapped inside and it was like an inner voice telling me that everything is what you make of it and that this is just a part of life. There is so much happening all around that I cannot allow something to take reign on me and control how I feel. If I do, then only allow it for a short period of time and then let it go. Life is happening and moving like a carousel, it’s time to give the usher my ticket and claim a spot on the ride.
It’s fundamental and of course I already know all of this but it is easy to become blind to a situation, a numbing of emotion, etc. Being around someone and seeing how they are getting through whatever it is they must to survive puts everything into light.
At the end of the appointment, we chatted for longer and I ended up walking out wearing a huge smile. Who knows how and where you meet people and how they may affect your life. It’s funny that way, but for some reason I was meant to be in that room today having that conversation with the aesthetician, who for this little piece was transformed into a counselor of sorts.
Only she carries an electrical wand to close up your pores with. It’s nothing magical by any means. Oh but you know what I mean.
A reward sounds absurd but, for the sake of today, this week and everything else that is what I’m going with.
I phoned up my aesthetician and decided that it was time for a follow up appointment. If anything, I can at least make myself feel somewhat attractive and desirable despite whatever else is going on right?
Right.
So I’m in her little office, filled with the serenity of the quiet and candle filled calm. The light sounds of music playing in the background. And for the entire hour got lost in conversation with my Bulgarian aesthetician.
I got the full rundown of her adventures in the Virgin Islands and spending an entire day in a police station because of a bizarre taxi accident, she asked how I was doing with meeting people and whether I flew back for the holidays and then we got to talking about dating.
Because this is on my brain and obviously hers as well.
The longer we talked, the more I couldn’t scrap the thought that her issue with her ex-husband completely mirrored the issue with the stranger ex. It was all too surreal and of course I told her this but it made me really think about how the universe works.
Sometimes, and this is a stretch. But sometimes I think that there are certain things that we manifest in thought and is brought right in front of us for the taking.
Take this appointment for example. I do not know this woman outside of her being a certified professional and yet she and I both are experiencing almost identical dilemmas and we were in her small office together for an entire hour.
Universe or not, you can’t deny the inner workings here.
Walking out of the appointment, I felt rejuvenated and as crazy as this sounds. More like myself. For the past few months I have waivered from feeling okay to saying I feel okay and not really allowing the reality to register that there was ever a faltering in my emotions.
Today, sitting with my Bulgarian lady something snapped inside and it was like an inner voice telling me that everything is what you make of it and that this is just a part of life. There is so much happening all around that I cannot allow something to take reign on me and control how I feel. If I do, then only allow it for a short period of time and then let it go. Life is happening and moving like a carousel, it’s time to give the usher my ticket and claim a spot on the ride.
It’s fundamental and of course I already know all of this but it is easy to become blind to a situation, a numbing of emotion, etc. Being around someone and seeing how they are getting through whatever it is they must to survive puts everything into light.
At the end of the appointment, we chatted for longer and I ended up walking out wearing a huge smile. Who knows how and where you meet people and how they may affect your life. It’s funny that way, but for some reason I was meant to be in that room today having that conversation with the aesthetician, who for this little piece was transformed into a counselor of sorts.
Only she carries an electrical wand to close up your pores with. It’s nothing magical by any means. Oh but you know what I mean.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Going all out vs naturally staying the course
I need a minute.
Yesterday was hellacious, not the way to start a brighter and better year. Today I am reaping in the emotional turmoil (for this minute only!!!). To start it I had a coffee date with a guy I had met randomly before Christmas. We had gotten together once before for a brief walk and talk but it was freezing outside and the time we had was cut a tad short.
Our little chat was nice, genuine. He was sweet. My mind short circuited the minute we sat down on the fluffy chairs of the coffee shop.
It felt like purchasing a car, or more like he was purchasing a car.
We went through the typical dating questions which were easier because there had been a couple of holidays in between. I wasn’t feeling it, I wasn’t feeling him in that pull sort of way when you click with someone and things flow. They were not flowing.
According to our conversation, I’d be walking away with a: 4 door luxury sedan with Wisconsin plates, a motor that can rev up to $100,000+ in a year and fits comfortably in a two car garage.
I normally go into dates with the mindset that I am out there to meet new people. As friends and whatever else that may happen. It makes it easier and takes the stress out of how conversations flow and how my body language is coming across.
If I’m talking to a friend I’m completely relaxed, can say anything without my voice shaking or mindlessly twisting hair. If I’m out looking for a guy to jump his bones (not the case but to make a point), the language is very different.
We finished up the date but it left me feeling a little on the self-conscious side of everything.
Please God, do not let me be a perpetual spinster!
It is not that I am overly picky, because lord knows I am so low maintenance it’s scary. This new guy, it was like he had a long list he was checking off and I don’t know maybe I just went out with him because it felt nice being wanted for a minute. Even if it lasted an hour.
I have been through the ringer in relationships (who has not) and have worked extremely hard on repairing parts of me that were damaged in one specific relationship that turned drastically bad.
The typical drill of being in what was thought to be a perfect relationship, building a future, talking about taking another big step, THE big step, and then it was over. He wasn’t ready to commit, he didn’t want children, he wanted a material lifestyle. What!?! Who was this stranger? I thought we were committed?
Shit.
Just when I was feeling confident about me, about life and getting back on course in the dating zone a little curve ball got thrown.
Last night my phone got tickled with a message from that stranger. The stranger ex. The message was brief in a cocky format: he is coming into town (how he knows I moved is beyond me) and wants to meet up.
I stared at the message on the phone and could not believe the audacity of this man. Even though time has passed I still cannot see the man I fell in (and heartbreakingly out of) love with in ANY of the words that were in that message.
I am not for sale. I am not some anonymous girl you can phone up when you are travelling.
I was pissed off.
Frustrated.
Never felt lonelier in my life frustrated and pissed off.
The message immediately got deleted without a response. How have I attracted that into my life? Nice people finish last I am beginning to believe it!
I mean, I have not heard from this guy in over a year. And he decided to reach out.
That’s too bad. I decided it was not going to work.
There is absolutely no way I will allow that toxic element into my life and turn into a wrecking ball ready to crash through the wall I have erected for safety. Yes, that wall is up for situations like these. Yes it can be broken and lowered down for the right person.
I will take your wrecking ball and eat it for lunch. Along with a full course meal, lover.
I also decided (not even going to mention the workaholic disappearing act…yikes that was a fluke!) that this bout of loneliness is over. Confidence levels are totally restored because this “quiet” time is no longer working.
I am putting myself ALL out there for new people, friends and gentleman callers.
Scratch that. A gentleman caller. Though if there are (s) you won’t hear complaints from this end.
This is not a life fulfilling prophecy on an endless search for some unrealistic outcome. That email set off detonations and made me feel not only cheap but a whole other range of emotions.
I want to be courted, to be appreciated and a whole lot more. Wanting is one thing but making it happen takes action.
So am I naturally staying the course to being a spinster, absolutely not.
I have no intention of being an old lady with cats, collecting ratty old clothes and making the rounds at Goodwill. Only to come home and sip cheap wine in a wicker chair sucking on my front teeth.
I shouldn’t be as worked up over this but I am. What does this mean?
Online dating? Ugh, I shudder at the thought but since I don’t have friends here yet is that the way to do it? I am not photogenic whatsoever!
Sporting events? Who would I go with? I already volunteer but the majority of people involved are ladies. I’ve changed up workouts so cardio days are in the evenings. I need a job to network!
Maybe god will bless me with a chance encounter with a certain tall man who just happens to drop by the city? That is a fantasy but a well played out one! But so not the case of finding Mr. Right.
Sweet Jesus that was a bitch fest and is prematurely causing wrinkles. JK. But it is causing temptations for a drink so moving on!
If I wasn’t a bigger person I would post that god awful email, but I’d like to think I’m better than that. But you know what, I’m not. So for your enjoyment, here is the snazzy piece of “junk mail” for your reading pleasures.
date Sun, Jan 2, 2011 at 9:48 PM
subject hey
mailed by msn.com
signed by msn.com
Hey, it’s been awhile. Heard you moved to Chi-town, had to run from Seattle huh? That’s okay, I’ll forgive you this time. I’m heading that way in a couple of weeks. Can you spare a few days out of your “busy” schedule for a little down time (…) with an old friend? Give me a call.
I get in on the ___ and staying at the ______, it’ll be fun.
XX
Are you fucking serious!?! Yeah I said the big bad F. Jesus will forgive it.
All good things come from experiences right? Unfortunately this was one that apparently I had to go through in order to build a backbone and speak up. At least I can turn from this and say Thank God that’s a thing in the past, Phew!
This calls for much needed coffee. Happy Monday!!
Yesterday was hellacious, not the way to start a brighter and better year. Today I am reaping in the emotional turmoil (for this minute only!!!). To start it I had a coffee date with a guy I had met randomly before Christmas. We had gotten together once before for a brief walk and talk but it was freezing outside and the time we had was cut a tad short.
Our little chat was nice, genuine. He was sweet. My mind short circuited the minute we sat down on the fluffy chairs of the coffee shop.
It felt like purchasing a car, or more like he was purchasing a car.
We went through the typical dating questions which were easier because there had been a couple of holidays in between. I wasn’t feeling it, I wasn’t feeling him in that pull sort of way when you click with someone and things flow. They were not flowing.
I normally go into dates with the mindset that I am out there to meet new people. As friends and whatever else that may happen. It makes it easier and takes the stress out of how conversations flow and how my body language is coming across.
If I’m talking to a friend I’m completely relaxed, can say anything without my voice shaking or mindlessly twisting hair. If I’m out looking for a guy to jump his bones (not the case but to make a point), the language is very different.
We finished up the date but it left me feeling a little on the self-conscious side of everything.
It is not that I am overly picky, because lord knows I am so low maintenance it’s scary. This new guy, it was like he had a long list he was checking off and I don’t know maybe I just went out with him because it felt nice being wanted for a minute. Even if it lasted an hour.
I have been through the ringer in relationships (who has not) and have worked extremely hard on repairing parts of me that were damaged in one specific relationship that turned drastically bad.
Just when I was feeling confident about me, about life and getting back on course in the dating zone a little curve ball got thrown.
Last night my phone got tickled with a message from that stranger. The stranger ex. The message was brief in a cocky format: he is coming into town (how he knows I moved is beyond me) and wants to meet up.
I stared at the message on the phone and could not believe the audacity of this man. Even though time has passed I still cannot see the man I fell in (and heartbreakingly out of) love with in ANY of the words that were in that message.
I am not for sale. I am not some anonymous girl you can phone up when you are travelling.
I was pissed off.
Frustrated.
Never felt lonelier in my life frustrated and pissed off.
The message immediately got deleted without a response. How have I attracted that into my life? Nice people finish last I am beginning to believe it!
I mean, I have not heard from this guy in over a year. And he decided to reach out.
That’s too bad. I decided it was not going to work.
There is absolutely no way I will allow that toxic element into my life and turn into a wrecking ball ready to crash through the wall I have erected for safety. Yes, that wall is up for situations like these. Yes it can be broken and lowered down for the right person.
I also decided (not even going to mention the workaholic disappearing act…yikes that was a fluke!) that this bout of loneliness is over. Confidence levels are totally restored because this “quiet” time is no longer working.
I am putting myself ALL out there for new people, friends and gentleman callers.
Scratch that. A gentleman caller. Though if there are (s) you won’t hear complaints from this end.
This is not a life fulfilling prophecy on an endless search for some unrealistic outcome. That email set off detonations and made me feel not only cheap but a whole other range of emotions.
I want to be courted, to be appreciated and a whole lot more. Wanting is one thing but making it happen takes action.
So am I naturally staying the course to being a spinster, absolutely not.
I shouldn’t be as worked up over this but I am. What does this mean?
Online dating? Ugh, I shudder at the thought but since I don’t have friends here yet is that the way to do it? I am not photogenic whatsoever!
Sporting events? Who would I go with? I already volunteer but the majority of people involved are ladies. I’ve changed up workouts so cardio days are in the evenings. I need a job to network!
Sweet Jesus that was a bitch fest and is prematurely causing wrinkles. JK. But it is causing temptations for a drink so moving on!
If I wasn’t a bigger person I would post that god awful email, but I’d like to think I’m better than that. But you know what, I’m not. So for your enjoyment, here is the snazzy piece of “junk mail” for your reading pleasures.
date Sun, Jan 2, 2011 at 9:48 PM
subject hey
mailed by msn.com
signed by msn.com
Hey, it’s been awhile. Heard you moved to Chi-town, had to run from Seattle huh? That’s okay, I’ll forgive you this time. I’m heading that way in a couple of weeks. Can you spare a few days out of your “busy” schedule for a little down time (…) with an old friend? Give me a call.
I get in on the ___ and staying at the ______, it’ll be fun.
XX
Are you fucking serious!?! Yeah I said the big bad F. Jesus will forgive it.
All good things come from experiences right? Unfortunately this was one that apparently I had to go through in order to build a backbone and speak up. At least I can turn from this and say Thank God that’s a thing in the past, Phew!
This calls for much needed coffee. Happy Monday!!
Friday, December 17, 2010
“There'll be no next time.This is going to be like Bridges of Madison Ave,a very brief affair I'll write about in sappy letters to my grandchildren"
Yesterday morning with groggy eyes, crazy hair and a rumpled bed it hit me. Who is this woman and where did I go? The other night marked another round of dating, only this time it was date number 3 with the same guy. Nice guy, sexy guy. Very very dedicated to his job kind of guy. But still sexy.
Date 1:Good conversation, lots of laughs and positive feeling. We left with a swift kiss and a plan for the next few days to meet up.
Date 2:In between the dates, he text me. Not a phone call, text. Very brief and nothing illicit, just simple banter and I went with it. The date was nice and low-key, the guard was starting to drop down with him. Kisses and a bit more after leaving.
Date 3:There was a good lapse in between dates, he was crazy busy with work. We managed to talk a few times and the phone calls were brief. We met up at another bar and after a couple of drinks he drove me home (I’d taken the train in). Groggy eyes, crazy hair and a rumpled bed later…..no note, no guy no nothing.
And so we’re back to the beginning. Who is this woman? Just because this is a new place doesn’t mean we change who we are right? I honestly didn’t expect this from myself. It’s completely out of character. Nor did I expect it from the guy.
I double checked my house for a note or anything and then took to the cell phone which was equally as empty, and dialed. Straight to voicemail. Okay. I got ready, went out for the day and after hearing nothing decided what is there to lose and text him because it felt odd.
That awful saying: “he’s just not that into you” was definitely in the front of my mind. He responded almost immediately with a phone call and said that he left because he had an early meeting and that he was going to be busy for “a while.” He would text me whenever he was free. I was hesitant but the call left me thinking about shameless nights.
Natural instincts say don't judge because maybe he really is busy, but do I and call him a jerk this early in the game? Why does it have to be a game?
Am I allowed to doubt? Busy, rejection or being a complete girl,this was a total fling and I hate that. The ups and downs, and are the woes of dating.
If only there was an easy button that magically made a deep voiced, broad shouldered funny guy appear out of thin air! I’m here, where are you?
Date 1:Good conversation, lots of laughs and positive feeling. We left with a swift kiss and a plan for the next few days to meet up.
Date 2:In between the dates, he text me. Not a phone call, text. Very brief and nothing illicit, just simple banter and I went with it. The date was nice and low-key, the guard was starting to drop down with him. Kisses and a bit more after leaving.
Date 3:There was a good lapse in between dates, he was crazy busy with work. We managed to talk a few times and the phone calls were brief. We met up at another bar and after a couple of drinks he drove me home (I’d taken the train in). Groggy eyes, crazy hair and a rumpled bed later…..no note, no guy no nothing.
And so we’re back to the beginning. Who is this woman? Just because this is a new place doesn’t mean we change who we are right? I honestly didn’t expect this from myself. It’s completely out of character. Nor did I expect it from the guy.
I double checked my house for a note or anything and then took to the cell phone which was equally as empty, and dialed. Straight to voicemail. Okay. I got ready, went out for the day and after hearing nothing decided what is there to lose and text him because it felt odd.
That awful saying: “he’s just not that into you” was definitely in the front of my mind. He responded almost immediately with a phone call and said that he left because he had an early meeting and that he was going to be busy for “a while.” He would text me whenever he was free. I was hesitant but the call left me thinking about shameless nights.
Natural instincts say don't judge because maybe he really is busy, but do I and call him a jerk this early in the game? Why does it have to be a game?
Am I allowed to doubt? Busy, rejection or being a complete girl,this was a total fling and I hate that. The ups and downs, and are the woes of dating.
If only there was an easy button that magically made a deep voiced, broad shouldered funny guy appear out of thin air! I’m here, where are you?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
R-E-D-H-O-T what do we got!
I guess a tiny explanation is due for this newfound fascination with hockey. When I moved to the greater mid-west I honestly had no clue the effect sports had on its people. It’s insane and everyone has a team they cheer for to the death. Within the city I grew up in, there is no such thing as serious antics, unless you go to specific universities. But really, it’s NOWHERE near the same.
The first week here football season kicked off and I wound up at a sandwich shop for lunch, it could have been transformed into a sports bar and nobody would have known. Flat screens everywhere, people not leaving their seats and the staff’s attention focused on the screens. Mind the timeout. Are you kidding me, at a sub shop?
After that first week, I had an interesting conversation with a guy while out getting coffee who gave me the lowdown on the hyped up behavior of the sport fiends. I was told that I had not experienced anything if I had not:
A. Been to a live hockey match
B. Watched a Bears or Hawks game at a bar
C. Watched a Bears game at Soldier Field in the freezing cold (no thanks!)
So we swapped numbers, good girl! First Date in Chicago and it’s over a pre-season hockey matchup of the Blackhawks, not quite what I was expecting but it worked. Was this guy a sports fanatic, um..YES. Was this a match made in heaven, NO..but he was really fun, the conversation was casual and he taught me a lot about the sport (in between his raging at a tv screen.) Needless to say, since that day I’ve started to follow some hockey teams and can now see why people are such die hards. It’s safe to say I probably won’t ever be one. But I understand. Sort of.
Apart from the highly sport influenced evening out; that night sparked something inside of me that I had been keeping at bay because I was constantly “on the move” so to speak. Dating. It has been a rough couple of years with coming and going from different places or flat out becoming a bona fide serial dater (not even going to mention Leo night.) However, I must say that the hiatus was much appreciated but it’s time to get back into the wardrobe, start trying on some new clothes and get swanky in a lovely dress that hugs those curves nicely (ladies you know what I mean by that.)
And so it begins again, the adventures in dating that has to start somewhere. And for this leg of the journey, it just so happened to begin at a sports bar. But who says it can’t end up at the Riviera.
The first week here football season kicked off and I wound up at a sandwich shop for lunch, it could have been transformed into a sports bar and nobody would have known. Flat screens everywhere, people not leaving their seats and the staff’s attention focused on the screens. Mind the timeout. Are you kidding me, at a sub shop?
After that first week, I had an interesting conversation with a guy while out getting coffee who gave me the lowdown on the hyped up behavior of the sport fiends. I was told that I had not experienced anything if I had not:
A. Been to a live hockey match
B. Watched a Bears or Hawks game at a bar
C. Watched a Bears game at Soldier Field in the freezing cold (no thanks!)
So we swapped numbers, good girl! First Date in Chicago and it’s over a pre-season hockey matchup of the Blackhawks, not quite what I was expecting but it worked. Was this guy a sports fanatic, um..YES. Was this a match made in heaven, NO..but he was really fun, the conversation was casual and he taught me a lot about the sport (in between his raging at a tv screen.) Needless to say, since that day I’ve started to follow some hockey teams and can now see why people are such die hards. It’s safe to say I probably won’t ever be one. But I understand. Sort of.
Apart from the highly sport influenced evening out; that night sparked something inside of me that I had been keeping at bay because I was constantly “on the move” so to speak. Dating. It has been a rough couple of years with coming and going from different places or flat out becoming a bona fide serial dater (not even going to mention Leo night.) However, I must say that the hiatus was much appreciated but it’s time to get back into the wardrobe, start trying on some new clothes and get swanky in a lovely dress that hugs those curves nicely (ladies you know what I mean by that.)
And so it begins again, the adventures in dating that has to start somewhere. And for this leg of the journey, it just so happened to begin at a sports bar. But who says it can’t end up at the Riviera.
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