Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Coffee and kegels….or did you mean creamer?

There is an unwritten rule about what women talk about when several are gathered together and how loud or quiet for that matter our voices travel. The women’s toilets are the prime location for getting gossip. It goes the same for men say in the locker rooms or on the basketball court. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

My friend, whom is out conquering the fashion world has asked everyone close to her for a little help with her boutique. While she’s out doing her thing, myself along with a bunch of others have been volunteering time keeping the doors open trying to channel the inner salesperson within. To sell things because that is what shops are in business for.

But in all honesty, the time basically becomes Chatty Katty time the minute a patron leaves the storefront. I love it.

Love it so much that I keep going back for seconds, thirds, fourths….

I have no Drama.

Everyone that comes in has soap opera digest worthy drama.

So to make a day that much more interesting, I’ll stick around for a few extra minutes if someone starts talking to me. Because it’s hilarious to see these people getting frustrated over something ridiculously simple. Just say no folks, it’s that simple. And stop buying the Prada(Target and NYC, we’re still having an affair don’t you worry)!

You’re in a store with a bunch of clothes.

Um, I may be blonde but I’m not stupid. Let’s introduce the word association for the day. Networking.

(Note that this is nothing on blondes either just the bland stereotype that has been branded upon us and is fully embraced)

During one of my many “shifts” if you will, I was sitting on the couch with three other women chatting it up in between customers when we got on the subject of thighs. How it got there, don’t ask because I cannot even answer this one.

Not your average change in topics from jewelry but I’ll go with it, because this is the land of crazytown and obsessive personalities and general good times.
One of the women started giving me tips on how to thin out your thighs using a yoga block, which I’d never really consider walking around my house with one in between my legs but everything deserves a shot for consideration.

While she was trying to explain holding the block in place, and while we were sipping coffee (not wine or any liquor) she said excitedly, “It’s like working your kegels!”

Come again?

Did you just say like working my kegels? Oh yes, she really did say like working the kegels.

I died right there and can only thank god that there weren’t other people in the store because I have a hearty laugh and nothing could hold it back. The other girl working didn’t even laugh, she was paying more attention to her text messages than the conversation. Clearly she has no idea about her own sexuality. What in the hell!?! One mention of anything sinful and my ears perk up. It’s horrible, you’d think I was a man!

I started laughing hysterically and while sipping the last drops of my Americano I got the full jist of losing mere inches off of the inner thighs without hours of pilates. Without inner leg lifts. Without those wretched crab kicks. But with none other than a yoga block and my damn kegel muscles.

Thanks to that conversation, instead of thinking about certain activities and fluttering muscles I’m now thinking about my damn thighs and snapping those bad boys into narrow shape.

Embarrassingly I will admit this, because this is just words of nothingness and you can't see me blushing nor I can see you busting out the checkbook to see if you can add $14 into the weekly budget.

I’m going to try it out and test her theory. I’ll walk around my house like an idiot flexing the kegels fantasizing about thinner inner thighs instead of broad shouldered men and post an update in one month. Because that is what’s up.


Per our lovely friends at Wikipedia, there are several positive forms of kegel exercises that benefit women and men. For example:

Did you know (this is TMI but who cares) kegels can help men achieve a stronger you know what when in the heat of things and gain greater control of losing the steam. Makes sense right.

For women, this is simple. It’s to gain control of our loosened pelvic muscles due to pregnancy and childbirth, obesity and aging.

Now for both, it can be great form of re-gaining control of an overactive bladder.

Can’t hold it for another five minutes to the train stop? Start flexing those muscles and building up some stamina.

So there you have it, a little laugh and a little knowledge on this fine day.


  1. Hi! I hopped over from FTLOB--your title was too intriguing to pass up! I like your sense of humour--i'm your newest follower :)

  2. @TriGirl:Welcome, welcome! If you could have been a fly on the wall for that conversation. It was an absolute riot.

  3. thanks for the blog visit and comment. I am glad I stopped by myself.

    Here I have holding a brass pole between my thighs....looks like I will need to invest in a yoga block and a "how to" on wikipedia!


  4. @THW:Brass pole and sexy moves vs. yoga block and a waddle with delicate grace. The decisions are so difficult sometimes!

  5. Uh Oh, found you over at FTLOBs and I read with much anticipation how to thin my thighs. Will be here as a new follower to see if this method works!

    I just said Kegel to my almost 16 year old daughter and explained what that was~~uh that went well!!


  6. @Cherie:.....yikes!!! I should update this post with a mini disclaimer, especially with how colorful my vocab got towards the end!

    I can only imagine that conversation, bravo!Thank goodness there's more functions with the muscles than what our dirty minds lean to :)

  7. Funny read... no one has to know you are doing kegel exercises. ;) I am following from the Hump Day Hop I'd love for you to follow back. :)

    Have a great evening!

    Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs

  8. @Heather: So true, so very true! I'm off to take a gander...

  9. looks like I should go invest in a yoga block!

  10. @MoBetta:I did it for 10 minutes tonight, it was geektastic and laughed the entire time.

  11. You had me at kegels. I thought, 'I've got to read this one!'

  12. @HW:Haha, that's what I say. Ears automatically perk up!