Thursday, March 10, 2011

Does hot pink make me look pale?

Some people smoke, eat, collect cats. I tan. Who doesn’t want to escape for fifteen minutes and pretend they are on a secluded island basking in UV glory.

Addictions come and go but not this one; this one has stuck around and isn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon. With the dark clouds outside and the rain pummeling the rooftops, getting out and finding sunshine can be difficult at times. I have fully embraced the high powered UV exposures and never take that lighted box of bulbs for granted.

Signs pointing in the direction of an addiction

Sign #1: Denial

I know it’s unhealthy for your skin and I should go with self-tanners but my skin is sensitive. I’ll break out. The high exposure to the light will zap any pesky critters out of the way. Sensitivity be gone.

Sign #2: Rearranging Schedules

Cancelling a dinner date and replacing that time with a tanning session. But it was a really rough day at work and time for meditation was beckoning….repeat Sign #1

Sign #3: Orange is the new Black

You have freshly become part of the rainbow and can't even see it. That and neon colored tanks you thought were given to goodwill, turn up at the bottom of your drawers.

I am not a heavy drinker, but with a drink in hand it is not uncommon to make decisions you normally would never do. Like a truth serum, cocktails can be a serious pusher.

Gathered with a bunch of friends with drinks flowing, stories getting tossed on the floor like an epic date with Twister a woman came into the room without any of us knowing or expecting a thing. This woman has her own spray tanning studio and came to spend an evening with us so we could all get golden and sunkissed faster than you can say bronz-o-licious.

No Thank You. My first thoughts were just this. There was no way, no how I was going to have chemicals sprayed on only my face. I’m not against the spray tans but it just isn’t for me, I tend to lean towards a more natural approach (and yet eating my words as we’re on the subject of tanning beds), but for the most part it’s holistic and natural practicing on this end of the court.

Drink in hand, multiple friends shouting it was a must do. I have to admit, getting sprayed by a vacuum was quite intriguing and piqued my interests. This solely in thanks to the pusher of the evening: Rum, Lemonade and Prosecco. So at the helm of peer pressure I found myself being taken away into an indoor tented adventure that smelled of coconuts and a cool chemical imbalanced breeze.

I walked into a tent as the wintery pale and normal me only to walk out looking like a leather-faced woman who looks as if she fell asleep on the beach for 53 years and 22 hours.

My face is a hot mess. A bronzed and almost dirty looking hot mess. Sign #3.

But it smelled good for 6 hours, will last a week and was free.

Interviews a go go this week and as the latest fashion accessory on the market, I’m sporting an unnatural tan. This is so typical and I’m curious how everyone else managing their tans. Bless it. It’s safe to say that I will be sticking to the warmth of the UV bulbs and natural sunlight for future tans.

And so here I sit. Sipping coffee with sunkissed cheeks while filling out applications for the next overly tanned and ridiculously scandalous reality television series.


  1. Hahaha, too funny. Try some good scrubs. And hey, if your future employer doesn't appreciate a good tan, then forget them! Good luck with the job hunt too. And if all else fails, just tell them you eat way too many carrots ;)

  2. Oh my god, if you could only see it! I'll keep scrubbing and exfoliating hoping for the best. But you're so right, if anything blame it on the carrots!

  3. I am wiht you on the spary tans.

  4. Speaking as a professional here, do NOT over exfoiliate, skin can take just so much.

    Just showering, using a wash that's highly detergent-based (you can tell that by how quickly a product "sudses-up" when it hits water) and a washcloth should help soften that Orangina glow.

    Can't picture you looking like Christina Aguilera, lolol

    Don't mind my lecture, that's what I do and it's part of being a Virgo.


  5. @MsSarah:The shame! But still funny.

    @Patty:YES!!! Thank you x 100. I fully accept the lecture because I have been tenacious on soaking/scrubbing. Christina ain't got nothin' on me, too funny. It's dark but some of the soaking/washes have tamed the coloring down a bit.

  6. I am known to get a head start on my tan in the a lizard on a hot rock...then I let the natural sun bronze me like a turkey in the oven!

    HAve you read the Sweet Potato Queens book...she says it perfectly.

    Pork chops do not look appetizing when they are raw, pale and fatty....but sizzle those babies in a frying pan and they look fabulous!

    I know I will regret my tanning when I am Older than I already am...but for now I suffer from #1 as well!


  7. @THW:OMG yes, that is hilarious and EXACTLY the kind of high you get from it. It feels so good, you won't be alone looking back, and you will be well moisturized. Damn that machine. I haven't read that book but will be checking the library for it now with that bit of bold shamelessness. Bless.

  8. haha so funny! I love the way tanning makes you feel ugh i miss it so much :( I'm pasty and gross! and I'm so jealous you went to London!

  9. @Julie:Warmth is coming. So the sun came out and I thought it wise to wear a summer legs are pasty too! London is a second home, my best friend lives there and I try to get back at least once a year. If you get a chance go, it's like NYC but with euro finesse.

  10. hello fellow lady blogger,
    such a bummer you had a bad experience with airbrush tanning. I've been doing it for a couple of years now and it turns out really well on me. certain things about it are a total PITA - like you're sticky afterward and really can't go anywhere/do anything for several hours after you get it done. but i find the color they use on me really natural.
    thanks for stopping by my site and the kind words.
    good luck with getting your glow on. ;-)

  11. @SaucyB:I just may have to take your advice and try it again. The lighting in the room was dim so I'm putting that into account for the dusty golds because everyone else turned out perfectly. You are most welcome, looking forward in seeing how the newbie job works out.