Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sinking In

There are some people that believe that everything happens for a reason.
Signs or a passing of something on a street that just so happens to match the exact mode of what you are thinking. What you are asking for in terms of guidance or even some things that happen and are pointing you into a direction that you had not even given a glimmer of thought to.

And then like a flash of lightning, or an ‘ah ha’ moment something solid, a pattern, a statement or something laid out in front of you smacks you square in the face. It snaps your eyes open and forces you to pay attention to whatever those thoughts were and to possibly turn them into a reality.

I have been focusing on so many underlining factors that these little signs have been flagging themselves outright and yet have gone overlooked. Noticed but overlooked.

Six months ago I would have said there were no signs indicating where I am sitting at this very moment. Six months ago I would have said I gave up on listening to those signs simply because they were jaded and misguided, or maybe I was just angry with myself because things were not working out and I wasn’t sure how to get out of a rut.

When really I focused almost too intensely on those little signs hearing the outlining but never the real core of the message behind the meaning. Oh those signs were happening for a reason.

They were symbols of warning initially but eventually leading to something that was bound to be larger than ever expected.

I believe that when you are in the right place at exactly the right time you know it in your heart of hearts. There is a feeling that fills you that cannot be explained. It’s strange but all you can say to yourself or to the people around you who think you have lost your mind.

I know this is right, I just do.

Times have been so incredibly difficult over these months that swept through and should have felt like a week passed by when in reality it feels like three years have swept by. They have crept through at a snails pace and that is okay.

Things are beginning to fall into place in certain aspects but really everything has been piecing itself together and creating a foundation that is rock solid.

For once in my entire life, and this sounds craziest of all, there is a calmness about today. There is an absolute peace with an abundance of gratitude and grace that guides into the minutes and hours.

Finally after hitting that head/breaking point it almost feels like all that has happened was a test of survival, of endurance. To notice that tactics have changed is more than uplifting but is also exciting and causing this deep breath of fresh air that cannot be faltered or lessened.

I don’t know where I am going with this and can only laugh that this all sounds like a Dear Abby letter on xanax, all I know is that this morning I woke up, got out of bed and felt free.

All of the moments of fear, trepidation, pleasure and anticipation got me here to this desk this morning. To this place in life to find permanence and it’s finally sinking in that I have found permanence in my soul.

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