Tuesday, December 14, 2010

"It's not you...it's me"

The wild card statement that is gut wrenching and makes you doubt and question everything. Last night, a friend called in absolute tears over an explosive breakup with her boyfriend.

They had been going together for a couple of years and were planning for all of their tomorrows. Until he met another person he fell hard for. In a state of distress, everything under the sun came up into our conversation.

How do you comfort a friend who is blaming herself for every "personal flaw' she believes caused the break up, the guilt of being a young single mother starting out their relationship. So I sat on my couch, both of us sipping the teas we made in between sobs and I tried to be as supportive as possible.

Trying to convince someone that they are an amazing individual capable of conquering the world and raising a beautiful baby girl is difficult when they are completely blindsided like this. She was having an incredible internal debate and by the end of part of the call, she started to feel better but underneath it all you could still hear her hesitation. That's when she dropped the bomb.

"It's because I'm fat." I could not even believe my ears, this girl, who is gorgeous is NOT fat, as if that even matters. When she had her baby, back in the time of personal training days, took to a consistent routine we worked out and we got her down to a svelte size that kept her feeling sexy and healthy as a newbie mother.

How is it, that during a time of massive emotional crisis, do we turn to our biggest or lowest self-esteem mode and rip it apart? We are given one body in this lifetime, why are we going to bash it to the ground because one person has decided the fit isn't perfect.

No, it's not because you're fat, it's because of the circumstances, the personalities, the differences and the similarities. Society has crafted us to believe that we should look a certain way, and if we don't then that's why we have failed relationships, addictions, instabilities, etc. I'm not sold on this, yes society has crafted a chain of thoughts and misguided ideas, but YOU crafted YOU.

Funny thing is, our boyfriends, husbands, partners and what not probably enjoy the thing that bothers you most. So if you're feeling that your lovely lady jigs (aka the love handles) are jabbing out too far, your man may take hold and steer you closer to his side by them. Because that's what he loves.

Who has the answers to any of this. My poor friend, she is battling something that only time will allow her to heal. Be true to you, all of you and stay positive. Every day is a blessing and if you're in need of a moment. Take it, but remember a few things to be grateful for. Maybe this is the universe opening up and telling her this relationship just wasn't meant to be? Maybe there is something bigger and better around the corner. It stinks and it hurts but all you can do is breathe and keep moving forward.

Always, here for you!

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